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Posts tagged spirit
The heights and depths of sexuality
Jul 29th
I’m bringing forward some past articles that have become lost in the archives here …
Generally speaking, there are two different types of sexual experiences. One focuses on what might be called the “heights of sex”, often referred to as “great sex”, while the other accesses the “depths” of sex, which is sacred sexuality. A relationship that emphasizes the heights of sex focuses mainly on stimulation and nervous system response. This experience is merely “having sex.”
It is referred to in yogic traditions as tamas, or sex of a shallow consciousness. It arises from unfulfilled fantasy and addictive behaviors, rather than from conscious sharing with a partner. It stresses quantity over quality. The heights of the sexual experience are usually measured by the intensity and quantity of stimulation and the success of orgasms, which is like judging the quality of food by the quantity ingested. Such stimulation has a “hot” energy and is focused on excitation of the clitoris or penis, while the depths of sex have a “warm or cool energy and focus on the ecstasy released between the heart and breasts, as well as the energetic aspects of the genitals. Encounters focusing on the heights of sex could be defined as physically intense and stimulating, but emotionally and spiritually shallow.
A relationship focusing on the depths of sex, on the other hand, accesses the soul of both partners. It is known as “making love”, and is referred to in yogic traditions as sattva, or sex that is holistic. The depths of sex encourage both partners to make use of their bodies, minds, and souls to access each other’s heart. This type of interaction between partners provides the safety to explore the darker issues and inhibitions that may arise during a truly intimate sexual experience.
The heights of sex stir us to quickly remove the clothes of our lovers before having sex. The depths of sacred sex encourage us to dress them afterwards. The heights draw us to kiss them numerous times on the way to orgasm, but the depths stir us to kiss them afterwards. The heights stir us to reach for their genitals, but the depths encourage us to reach for their hearts.
It should be noted that both the heights and depths of sex can be very addictive. Sexual addiction and other forms of shallow sex often result from a desire to hide or escape from issues that need healing. The potential addictions behind sexual heights are rooted in personal dysfunction. Behind every shallow sexual interaction, there hides a person who does not want to see or be seen at a deeper level. In such cases, sex is used as a distraction. Until we realize that we are the “other person” we’ve been looking for, others will eventually leave us feeling empty.
On the other hand, the reason that sexual depths can be addictive is easily understandable. Although sexual heights offer intense levels of sexual stimulation that can leave us wanting more, the depths of sex offer a connection of body, mind, and soul that can be all encompassing. In other words, although stimulation can feel good, bliss feels great! Experiencing the depths of sexual bliss, especially for the first time, feels like the voice of God calling us home. There is an undeniable sense of completeness. We long to make this experience an integrated part of our lives. Of course, we can also become attached to anyone (partners, healers or teachers) who assists us in this awakening, but as we make this blissful state a part of our own consciousness, we realize that attaching our feelings to others is pointless.
If sex, in and of itself, were magical, there would be a lot of enlightened porn-stars in the world. On the contrary, without a spiritual and loving intent, sex limits the expression of our True Self and becomes a form of self-condemnation. In other words, sex without depth of consciousness is not only valueless but destructive as well. Conscious sex, on the other hand, is one of the finest rewards on the path to enlightenment. Thus, the practice of sacred sexuality can be summarized as a process designed to deepen your connection to the Spirit of Love and to awaken your physical body allowing this temple to become as passionate and alive as God originally intended it to be.
Where do sexual imbalances come from?
Feb 8th
We live in a world where sexual energy has been distorted, which creates manipulation, repression and a world of people who are unaware sexually and struggling spiritually. In the words of Tantric Master, Nityama, “Many people were coming to me wanting to develop their spirituality but what I discovered is they were generally shut down, repressed, and totally out of touch with their sexuality. From my perspective, sex is the caterpillar and spirit is the butterfly and there is absolutely no possibility of having a beautiful butterfly without having a healthy caterpillar.”
Very few people are comfortable and natural in being able to feel sex in their body. This means that mostly sex is happening in the mind, with some sensation in the genitals, limited feeling in the rest of the body and minimal connection between the two people making love.
Most people are looking for a real experience of sex and feeling in the body and don’t know how to create it, due to the limited availability of real sexual education in this society. As a result many people struggle in their relationships as they fumble sexually, creating disillusionment that leaks from the bedroom into the rest of their life, many give up on sex and shut down even further due to feeling dissatisfied or they resort to fantasy and porn to create the sensation which is missing from their inner experience.
The use of fantasy and porn is counterproductive as it takes a person further away from their body and means they are not fully with their lover, and over time they will require stronger images in order to feel anything.
The disconnection from the body and life force energy begins at an early age, due to the conditioning that is handed down through the generations. Young girls and boys are given warnings and messages about sex, relating, their own bodies and self expression such as “don’t touch yourself”, “stay away from girls / boys” “be a good boy / girl” “don’t be so noisy” and so on. This leads to the child becoming uneasy about the sexual feelings they experience in their body and to therefore, retreat from feeling.
The child begins to shut down their life force energy; the child will ‘play small’, leave the body and hide in the mind. He or she either looks to do the right thing for approval or rebels against the parents, in order to seek attention, all the while living from the voices of the parents and society which have by now become ingrained in the body and being.
All of these behaviours and messages cause an individual to be less alive and less vibrant and create the shutting down of sexual energy.
Jean-Pierre Hartman
Massage.co.za
Eckhart Tolle
Jeff Foster