“If one wishes to be a lover, he must start by saying ‘YES’ to love. A
lover says yes to life, yes to joy, yes to knowledge, yes to people,
yes to differences. He realizes that all things and people have
something to offer him, that all things are in all things.”

Leo Buscaglia

GRAMMAR

Maxine, back from a weekend with her boyfriend,

smiles like a big cat and says

that she’s a conjugated verb.

She’s been doing the direct object

with a second person pronoun named Phil,

and when she walks into the room,

everybody turns:

~

some kind of light is coming from her head.

Even the geraniums look curious,

and the bees, if they were here, would buzz

suspiciously around her hair, looking

for the door in her corona.

We’re all attracted to the perfume

of fermenting joy,

~

we’ve all tried to start a fire,

and one day maybe it will blaze up on its own.

In the meantime, she is the one today among us

most able to bear the idea of her own beauty,

and when we see it, what we do is natural:

we take our burned hands

out of our pockets,

and clap.

~

by Tony Hoagland

The following piece is from the e-newsletter of an American sex educator by the name of Maurice Tate. He’s quite an unusual person and rather radical in the way he writes and the services he offers:

When we first had this experience some years ago, she described a
state beyond thoughts and which was much deeper than sexual pleasure.
It was like she went beyond pleasure into a spiritual place of no
boundaries and intense ecstasy.

I noticed a nice change in my lover that lasted for months. She seems
much more content and loving, less critical and much more fulfilled.

The following are some tips to these deep sexual states based on my
own experiences with two lovers, one from the past and my current
girlfriend.

I asked my girlfriend some questions about these experiences:

“It takes time for me to enter into these states. I do not think too
much, but rather just surrender into the flow of sex. Its like
dancing when your body just moves to the music totally effortlessly.
I am in the moment, in the energetic flow, in my heart and feeling
totally open.

I start to expand out of the density into a higher finer vibration
and be in that. So I come out of the density of my body and go up
to a higher, finer vibration.

Its like my awareness expands and everything stops and just is. The
world drops away and it is more like expanding out of my physical
body but I am still in it. I enter into or expend into higher
vibrational senses, beyond orgasm.

Its like finding more of my whole self, experiencing my inner
stillness and universal energy. This state also has a witnessing
quality.

I need my lover to feel present with me energetically. Its like a
sexual dance and we both follow the sexual energy. It is a dance of
ecstasy.

When I start to dive deep, it helps me if I feel he is entering that
state too. The man needs to be able to step into a place when a women
totally opens, of carefully, honoring, supporting and loving me.

Sometimes I will follow my partners breath and sometimes he follows
my breath. By dong this I can experience energy circulating between
us”

I asked her what is one thing to focus on to develop these deep states.

“One has to risk being totally open, totally vulnerable. It took me
many years of sexual exploration to really experience this”

That last line may seem a little discouraging :) Or else it can be seen as a wonderful invitation to what you can be busy with for the rest of your life. Even though what is described seems a little unconventional and may sound much too unusual to even imagine getting there, in my experience it takes a desire to explore and the willingness to let go – increasingly. It’s not a fast-track method. You won’t find it in the pages of Cosmo or Men’s Health. Why not? Because it involves changing your basic way of living and being. In order to be as quiet and patient as what she is describing (which is the key to opening the body to this type of bliss) you have to develop an inner stillness and a surrender to non-doing that is quite the opposite to our typical Western life-style.

There are many ways in which men and women are quite naturally wired for this, and with a little help and guidance, both men and women can find their role and step into it.

Two other excellent articles are:

Making sex last longer

And one I would highly recommend:

Daily sexual devotion

The Lover’s Touch by Diana Daffner

The Lover asked: How would you like me to touch you?

The Lover answered:

I would like you to touch me as if you were going away tomorrow, far far away, and you wanted to remember the feel of my body, the texture of my skin, the hills and valleys that make up the landscape of who I am.

I would like you to touch me as if you were blind, knowing that you love me, but unable to see me. Touch my face, my breasts, my belly, my toes… learn what I “look” like, imagine me in your mind as your hands explore my shape.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were healing hands, radiating love energy with every stroke. Feel the energy penetrating through skin, through flesh, entering into the cells of my body.

I would like you to touch me as if you gained your nourishment through your hands. Feed on me, drink deeply, and draw from your touch the love that I hold for you.

I would like you to touch me as if you were feeding me through your hands, as if by your touch I am nourished and sustained. Every inch of me cries out for your touch, yearns to be fed.

I would like you to touch me as if your hand were a feather, lightly caressing the edge of my being.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were paintbrushes, and as you caress me, you are coloring me in brilliant, sparkling, dazzling hues.

I would like you to touch me as if you were erasing the outer me, allowing me to reveal my inner self to you.

I would like you to touch me as if you had carved a sculpture, and were now feeling its finish, smoothing out any rough areas, enjoying the finished product.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were fire, burning away the dross and leaving only the pure gold of my soul.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were sponges, soaking up the essence of my being.

I would like you to caress me as if I were made of dry clay, and by dampening my skin you enliven my spirit.

I would like you to touch me as if my skin were soft velvet.

I would like you to touch me as if you were a musician, and your touch brought forth different sounds from different parts of me.

I would like you to touch me as if I were a rare jewel, precious and valuable.

I would like you to touch me as if I were your Lover.

Source

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion that plays a role in almost all relationships at some stage. Being jealous of your partner’s interactions with other “attractive” people can cause a cycle of unhappiness, insecurity, blame and attempts to control. It can be the very thing that drives a partner away, and certainly it corrodes the trust and openness between people. I say “attractive” because as long as a partner doesn’t perceive a third party to be a threat to the relationship, there will be no jealousy. Believing that your partner might be attracted to a particular someone else, is what trips the jealousy trigger. Needing to evaluate others and to assess whether they would be “attractive” to your partner, can create a spiral of ricocheting emotions.

Jealousy is rooted in fear. This fear is not merely a fear of losing someone whom we value and appreciate. The fear is an extension of our own root fear of losing our identity – our ideas about who we are in the world. One’s partner is often seen to be a part of one’s identity and certainly as someone who values our identity, however it looks or appears. There are numerous kick-backs to having someone in our life but one of the greatest is the feeling we get of being appreciated, valued and accepted. While we’re “in love,” we don’t doubt that we are valued and appreciated. However, as soon as cracks appear or disharmony or disagreements happen we feel the security getting shaky and we may question or doubt the other person’s appreciation of us. This can rattle our own self-appreciation and is often when jealousy cycles kick in.

Jealousy usually leads to an attack of blame on the other for a supposed indiscretion on their part, when a lot of the time the problem is fed by the imagination and insecurity of the jealous one. The crack in the relationship has led to a sense that all is not well in our world. We’re reminded of the fleeting nature of all relationships. We’re thrown into possibilities of being alone or of being rejected in favor of someone else. We’re also confronted with the recognition that not everyone admires and values me absolutely all the time. This is a scary truth to face – and one that few are brave enough to master.

When jealousy arises it’s an alarm bell calling you to feel what is happening inside. Have you disconnected from love and is this a chance to check in with yourself and to reconnect with the love that is yours regardless of anyone else? Next, come back as quickly as possible to addressing what has led to a sense of discord between yourself and your lover – what has affected your sense of well-being, connection and “in-loveness.” If you address that, you will more easily calm your mind and heart through expressing your own lovingness and lovability.

One of the best ways to do this is through loads of soft, loving, gentle, non-sexual caressing and holding. Let yourself melt into all that you feel – into your fears and your recognition of how few guarantees there are in life – and express to your partner how that feels. It will take you a lot further than trying to manipulate them to give you a false sense of security.

Consider the following:

• You do not own your wife, husband, family, or your land — not even yourself.
• There are no such states as secure, safe or predictable. These states are illusions. We created them in our attempts to feel secure.
• You are here to experience life, not to understand it. No one understands it.
• Welcome all experiences.
• Life is wonderful, if accepted unconditionally. Resistance brings us pain.
• We are always getting what we need and not always what we want.
• Life is not intended to be serious. Think of the Giraffe :)

I’m bringing forward some past articles that have become lost in the archives here …

Generally speaking, there are two different types of sexual experiences. One focuses on what might be called the “heights of sex”, often referred to as “great sex”, while the other accesses the “depths” of sex, which is sacred sexuality. A relationship that emphasizes the heights of sex focuses mainly on stimulation and nervous system response. This experience is merely “having sex.”

It is referred to in yogic traditions as tamas, or sex of a shallow consciousness. It arises from unfulfilled fantasy and addictive behaviors, rather than from conscious sharing with a partner. It stresses quantity over quality. The heights of the sexual experience are usually measured by the intensity and quantity of stimulation and the success of orgasms, which is like judging the quality of food by the quantity ingested. Such stimulation has a “hot” energy and is focused on excitation of the clitoris or penis, while the depths of sex have a “warm or cool energy and focus on the ecstasy released between the heart and breasts, as well as the energetic aspects of the genitals. Encounters focusing on the heights of sex could be defined as physically intense and stimulating, but emotionally and spiritually shallow.

A relationship focusing on the depths of sex, on the other hand, accesses the soul of both partners. It is known as “making love”, and is referred to in yogic traditions as sattva, or sex that is holistic. The depths of sex encourage both partners to make use of their bodies, minds, and souls to access each other’s heart. This type of interaction between partners provides the safety to explore the darker issues and inhibitions that may arise during a truly intimate sexual experience.

The heights of sex stir us to quickly remove the clothes of our lovers before having sex. The depths of sacred sex encourage us to dress them afterwards. The heights draw us to kiss them numerous times on the way to orgasm, but the depths stir us to kiss them afterwards. The heights stir us to reach for their genitals, but the depths encourage us to reach for their hearts.

It should be noted that both the heights and depths of sex can be very addictive. Sexual addiction and other forms of shallow sex often result from a desire to hide or escape from issues that need healing. The potential addictions behind sexual heights are rooted in personal dysfunction. Behind every shallow sexual interaction, there hides a person who does not want to see or be seen at a deeper level. In such cases, sex is used as a distraction. Until we realize that we are the “other person” we’ve been looking for, others will eventually leave us feeling empty.

On the other hand, the reason that sexual depths can be addictive is easily understandable. Although sexual heights offer intense levels of sexual stimulation that can leave us wanting more, the depths of sex offer a connection of body, mind, and soul that can be all encompassing. In other words, although stimulation can feel good, bliss feels great! Experiencing the depths of sexual bliss, especially for the first time, feels like the voice of God calling us home. There is an undeniable sense of completeness. We long to make this experience an integrated part of our lives. Of course, we can also become attached to anyone (partners, healers or teachers) who assists us in this awakening, but as we make this blissful state a part of our own consciousness, we realize that attaching our feelings to others is pointless.

If sex, in and of itself, were magical, there would be a lot of enlightened porn-stars in the world. On the contrary, without a spiritual and loving intent, sex limits the expression of our True Self and becomes a form of self-condemnation. In other words, sex without depth of consciousness is not only valueless but destructive as well. Conscious sex, on the other hand, is one of the finest rewards on the path to enlightenment. Thus, the practice of sacred sexuality can be summarized as a process designed to deepen your connection to the Spirit of Love and to awaken your physical body allowing this temple to become as passionate and alive as God originally intended it to be.

by Michael Mirdad

As men and women reconnect with their true selves, their masculine and feminine energies realign. When realigned, women feel more receptive and magnetic in their being, creating space for surrender and opening to men in a more natural way and men experience an increase in their masculine potency and come to trust their ability to initiate energy and bring clarity to a woman.

Conventional sexual practices overlook the importance of the polarity between men and women. This creates a situation where many women have tension in their vagina, unable to fully receive a man’s energy from his penis and the man is often disconnected or overwhelmed by the energy in his penis unable to fully utilise the energy there to open a woman. Also the importance of the heart in completing the cycle of sexual energy is largely overlooked.

A woman’s positive pole is her heart and her negative pole is the vagina, for a man his positive pole is his penis and his negative pole is his heart. When a man and woman connect energetically, the man initiates the woman with the energy from his positive pole, the penis and this energy is received by her negative, or receptive pole, the vagina. This energy flows through the woman’s body towards her heart, which is her positive polarity, so that when a woman is connected to her heart and breasts, she is then able to penetrate the man’s heart, his negative polarity, with her heart energy.

Engaging in sexual activity where you connect energetically through the natural polarities leaves you and your lover feeling nourished, nurtured and fulfilled which creates a sense of peace, joy and gratitude that permeates the daily routine of your life.

SOURCE

In relation to money we all need to have a relationship with this physical/material aspect because money is everywhere. It dominates our attitudes and cultural sense of who we are whether we believe it to be important or not.

Many of us believe money is the root of all evil but really it is what money does rather than money itself that creates the negative circle of desire. Perhaps it is better said that it is the lust after money that is the root of all evil and as there is no evil it is perhaps better said that it is the lust after money that is the root of all the confusion that we face in today’s world and the suffering that it creates in individuals.

When we desire money to fulfill needs then we forget that these needs can more easily be fulfilled by trust, love and sharing rather than spitefully keeping large amounts of money/material wealth in our pocket.

If we use the material to evolve in a more balanced way we realise that money is just another aspect of the energy that we are made of, made visible in a form that we can more easily relate to. Our energy takes on many forms like love, compassion and well-being in this physical world. If money becomes an extension of this then it can be another form of abundance.

It is not bad to have more love or more time or more space or more resources that help us to experience ourselves in a more beautiful way and that help us to be freely abundant. Enjoy the gifts of nature such as good health, pure air, sunshine and the amazing beauties that are free for everyone to experience.

As we free ourselves, we free our thoughts to occupy a new space and notice things that seem invisible to others and by ignoring what once got in the way of such beauty we can focus on the beauty itself.

A lack of wealth is simply an opportunity in disguise.

via theriaca.org – Financial Abundance.

A beautiful piece on relationship, also by Peter Cajander:

Why do two people live together? This question came up
today when my friend had some issues with his spouse.

The framework Martin Buber created in his famous book
I and Thou in the 1920s is one way to treat the subject. Most
of the time we are living in an I—It relationship with our
world. The world around us has some purpose for us. We
have created names (labels) and categories for various items,
things, and actions around us. We have a perception of them
and we think (i.e., we think we know) what they are. This
works OK with ordinary functions and items but not so well
with people. Still, most of the time we treat people like
things. They serve a purpose for us.

Another relationship is possible and this is I—Thou way
of being in the world. We do not try to categorize or label the
other. We admit that we cannot know the other person
entirely, not even talking about changing him or her. In addi-
tion, we are constantly changing, which means that nothing is
static (i.e., our thought model will not be realistic). In an I—
Thou relationship, we do not have any purpose, function, or
“image” of the other person in our mind. We simply take the
other as “fresh,” how she or he appears and is. We both are
what we are and discover each other every moment. This rela-
tionship can be achieved via a dialogue. In dialogue, both par-
ties share and contribute by creating something between
them that has no preconditioning or any expectations.

Quite a lot of marriages end up in divorce nowadays. We
often hear couples explain the reason for the split as the other
party changed or the couple just drifted apart over time. This
could not happen in an I—Thou relationship where someone
is not trying to get something from the other party. Nor is
there any attempt to change or try to define the other person.
When we create an image of the other person in our mind, we
also instantly create expectations and relationships. We create
an object that serves a purpose for us. Everything is fine as
long as the “image” in our mind matches with the reality. But
it only takes a few moments before the other changes and
shows some parts of his or her existence that do not fit to our
“perfect” picture of the other we had created earlier on. When
the illusion is broken, we get angry. We are disappointed or
frustrated. Our image of the beautiful life together did not
materialize. We had thought it through already (i.e., lived) in
our mind and then we just should have had to live according
to our predefined plan (i.e., imagination). When this does not
happen, we blame the other. We did not expect this. We did
not want this or we did not expect this to happen. The other
has changed—how unfair! Is there anything or anyone we can
rely on or trust anymore on these days!?!

Did we ever know the other? Did we actually have our own
needs and illusions and dreams we wanted to fulfil? The other
was just an object for those purposes. He or she came into the
picture because I needed him or her to fulfil my
dreams/needs. Maybe I was lonely, or needed to improve my
self-esteem, or I was after wealth or security, wanted to fulfil
others’ expectations (e.g., relatives) of a socially acceptable life
or I wanted to have a beautiful wedding or a family. Maybe I
was after happiness because I was unhappy before. Being
together was not enough in the first place. The question was
not even about the other person. We disappointed ourselves.
We failed our own expectations. The other person was just a
vehicle for our own needs. Were there any possibilities for a
lasting relationship after all—maybe everything went wrong
from the first impression (thought)?

Relationships can work out only when we are not expect-
ing anything from the other, ever, and when there is no need
to be fulfilled or anything that is lacked. When just being is
enough and no expectations are laid out, we can find love and
happiness. A true dialogue.

I had a wonderful discussion with someone today, on the concept of feeling special – and how the idea of a “relationship” is built on this deep desire for specialness. I’d like to share some of that conversation and the thoughts that arose from it:

Within most people lies this burning longing to be considered “special” by someone else (usually by a member of the opposite gender.) We long to be loved fully and totally and deeply and absolutely, and we are conditioned to think that that love comes wrapped in the romantic lover. Some of us have had experiences of that kind of love – which feels so heady and delightful. You loose yourself in being “in love” and in the sense of total adoration that flows. The trouble is, it’s often built on illusions and delusions. It can be built on a fairy-tale story of romance and on an idea we hold in our minds of the “perfect partner.” Because we carry this picture in our heads of what perfect love would be like, we start to imagine that the person we fall “in love” with, fits that model. When the cracks start to show and our illusions begin to crumble as reality pops out its sneaky head, panic sets in. (I’m not saying two people can’t share deep loving – but it’s a different type to what I’m describing here.)

What I’ve begun to see, is that the desire for specialness is rooted in a sense of loss from childhood. Parents are designed to love their offspring unconditionally and absolutely. That’s the bond that ensures the survival of the off-spring for the period of time that the child is dependent on the parent for its survival. If there exists any measure of failing on the part of the parent, to channel this pure love to the child (and 9 times out of ten, that happens to some degree or other) then the child feels a lack of love. In fact perhaps it will come anyway, no matter how devoted the parents are, when the child gradually moves into independence. This splitting off from union with your origins so to speak, which sadly can occur prematurely, inflicts us with a sense of loss and of lack. If a child is neglected or not shown the fullness of love that it craves in order to feel safe in the world, the child interprets this is to mean that it must be unlovable. We all carry our stories of sadness in childhood, where we felt unloved in some way.

David Richo has written a book which explains the archetype of the child-orphan. Reading it yesterday, I can clearly remember a time in my childhood when I was convinced that I was adopted and that my parents didn’t really love me as much as my siblings and that I was the outcast. I can remember that phase so clearly. I made up my mind that I was unlovable and unworthy of unconditional and absolute love. I decided I wasn’t “special” enough.

What happens to us later as adults, is we project this lack outwardly and we look for satisfaction of the need, in a lover/partner. We believe that if only someone would love us enough, we won’t feel that emptiness any more. We hope that their love will convince us again, of our lovability. We strive to impress the lover enough that we will get the love we missed out on. We make deals and arrangements to ensure a steady and certain supply of love, in the hope that somehow we will never feel unloved again – as we once felt when we were little and alone and unable to figure out how to get what we knew we needed. We go out seeking for someone who can convince us that we are “special.” This is also the root of jealousy. We want to be the most special one and the only love of the person we have decided is going to guarantee to us that we are special – special enough to be loved only, and forever. Do I hear a pain-package heading our way…?

Unfortunately, we’re getting it all twisted up. And unfortunately, the love substitute is so wound up in sex. Sex often becomes the opportunity to get what we crave. We hope that if we are only a good lover, we will guarantee that the other sticks around and keeps supplying us with the physical “shots” of orgasmic adrenalin that feel like the bliss state of knowing absolute love. The “in-loveness” between lovers can feel SO like the real thing and can give us such a close taste of what it seems we crave, that we keep chasing after it. But it slips away, time and time again.

What came to me today, in a way that I’ve never seen before, is that the only way to recover from that deep inner lack/loss we felt and pushed away as children because it was just too much to bear, is to face it full on by pulling it out the closet and saying “I need and want to know love, fully!” And then…we must find out how.

…..to be continued :)

Ahhh… sorry but I can’t add my own thoughts for you as I had planned. I found this and it fits:

The most fascinating love stories are about unrequited love, because they point to that absolute love which the individual cannot possess. The powerful fascination of falling in love comes out of a primal sense that in that love you could be lost. It is that overwhelming love which is in all of our longing and is the fullness in the emptiness, the everything in the nothing. It is unconditional love which also appears as its opposite. Wonderfully, it is also that very love which constantly sings to us through our senses and in every part of the aliveness that is happening.

Liberation is a word used to describe an apparent release from the illusion of feeling imprisoned and apart from love, or wholeness. That shift is essentially an energetic release out of contraction into boundlessness.

TONY PARSONS

The Barefoot Doctor never fails to surprise and bless with me with his quirky writing style which carries such a wonderful message. I needed this heart nourishment, so thanks Doc:

You create the story that’s going on in your fore-brain and which acts as a filter on the lens through which you perceive the world around you. The aspect of the world around you your fore-brain is mostly concerned with is other people. This is because it’s mostly through other people you procure the resources you need to survive. If the story you’re telling yourself includes the notion that other people are a threat, you see the world through a fearful filter, which isolates you and spawns a judgmental mind-frame. When you judge others as being different, better or worse than you, you automatically judge yourself. Judging yourself produces self-consciousness. Self-consciousness gives rise to inhibition. Inhibition gives rise to pretentiousness. Pretentiousness prevents spontaneity. Spontaneity puts you in the flow of natural energy, whence springs opportunity and vice-versa: when you’re in the flow you tend to act spontaneously.

Tell yourself a different story however, one in which everyone is a manifestation and expression of the divine spark of universal love, albeit in disguise, each with a gift of absolute love for you and rather than isolate yourself, you connect yourself to the source of existence informing the world. Connected to source you are in the flow and opportunities come to you, as well as which you enjoy yourself far more from moment to moment because you’re no longer living in fear.

But the thinking that can see others as divine beings in human disguise is not instigated in the fore-brain. It’s instigated in the heart. Soften your heart with the radical, compassionate, enlightened notion that everyone here including you, is a manifestation of divine love and let that issue forth from your chest as an energy, rising up to inform the thinking going on in your fore-brain.

Think lovingly from the heart in other words, and you transform the world around you and the quality of its impact on you – not just for you but for everyone.

Wish: that you transform your world so powerfully, effectively and radically for the better through love, the effect spreads ubiquitously and miracles happen for you and everyone.

I’m revisiting some past entries on this site, that mean a lot to me. Here’s a particularly beautiful one:

Most of our spiritual traditions tell us that, as humans, we are miniature reflections of God and that we have been created in God’s image. If this is so, then it would follow that a more direct way to look upon the face of God would be to sit and gaze at an actual person, a real flesh-and-blood human. If he or she will sit and hold your gaze in return, something begins to transpire between the two of you. If you can truly see another and be seen by the other, you begin to see that he or she is an embodiment of the Divine, and you begin to feel that you are as well.

In India, darshan often occurs in formal settings between teachers and their students. Teachers may sit at the front of a room, perhaps on a slightly raised dais so that no one’s view will be obstructed. They may sit silently, pouring out their gazing, inviting students to meet their eyes and to hold contact with their gaze. This contact allows the Divine to enter their students’ awareness. In the words of Ramana Maharshi, one of the great Indian teachers of the twentieth century and one of the great givers of darshan, “When the eyes of the student meet the gaze of the teacher, words of instruction are no longer necessary.”

Why gazing at another person and having him or her hold your gaze in return can open both participants to a direct experience of the Divine is a mystery. All of us, whether we’re consciously aware of it or not, know about this practice from a very early age. School children will often enter into staring contests during which their conventional experience of self is momentarily suspended to accommodate the new and unusual energies that the visual contact between them generates. A common response to the dramatic shift in awareness that prolonged eye contact triggers is to burst into laughter, and so the contest ends with both of the children being the true winners, with smiles on their faces.

As we mature and need to become strong individuals, separate from the whole, we tend to avoid eye contact when we speak to others, for if we did hold the other’s gaze we might find it difficult to remain focused on the information that we’re trying to convey, melting instead into a shared sense of wordless union with the person to whom we’re speaking. Only when real love forms the basis of our communication with another do we find it more natural to hold and soften into our partner’s gaze.

Because the eyes are universally acknowledged to be the windows to the soul, when we hold the gaze of another, we hold and cradle his or her soul. This most intimate of acts is reserved as a privilege for people who love and trust one another. Newborn children are natural adepts at the practice and are often able to draw their parents into gazing at them for long periods of time. People newly in love may find that they automatically fall into gazing at each other as a natural expression of the love that they feel. In fact, this unintentional and spontaneous dissolving into the eyes of the other is often the signal that, at long last, they have finally found the beloved for whom they’ve been searching. When describing this newfound love, people will often rejoice that, finally, they have met someone who truly sees them as they are.

SOURCE

Over the course of your lifetime, you have built a certain story about yourself. We spend a lot of energy keeping our inner stories hidden so that no-one else sees who we really are. We don’t believe that who we are is good enough for others expectations. And we want to please others. So we create an idea of ourselves that we sell to everyone else. When we do this with our intimate partners we make work for ourselves as they are often the people who see us when we’re stripped of our usual defences. This doubles the load we bear as we feel we must maintain a story under the scrutiny of their gaze, but the veneer gets thin.

When we “fall in love” it feels as though the one we’re loving has bought our story fully. It feels good! But if we’ve sold them a half-truth about ourselves, we’re make ourselves an uncomfortable bed to lie in. Some time down the road, we’ll need to shift the story or adjust it to what takes less effort to maintain. And our fears and pain start to be triggered as they do or say things that remind us that our story doesn’t always work so well.

Can you hear what I’m hinting at? I’m suggesting that perhaps the quickest route to true intimacy may lie in getting to the heart of who we truly are, and showing up as that. But Who is That?

Very exciting, beautiful, yummy, delicious stuff. Please read and enjoy. You’ll never be the same again:

“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought
that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly
clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to be
different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat
to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat
will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality
to be different than it is is hopeless.

And yet, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that you
think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. “People
should be kinder.” “Children should be well-behaved.”
“My husband (or wife) should agree with me.” “I should
be thinner (or prettier or more successful).” These
thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than
it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you’re
right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing
with what is.
People new to The Work often say to me, “But it
would be dis-empowering to stop my argument with
reality. If I simply accept reality, I’ll become passive.
I may even lose the desire to act.” I answer them with
a question: “Can you really know that that’s true?”
Which is more empowering? — “I shouldn’t have lost
my job” or “I lost my job; what can I do now?

The Work reveals that what you think shouldn’t
have happened should have happened. It should have
happened because it did, and no thinking in the world
can change it. This doesn’t mean that you condone it
or approve of it. It just means that you can see things
without resistance and without the confusion of your
inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick,
no one wants to be in a car accident; but when these
things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue
with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do
it, because we don’t know how to stop.
I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual
person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
We can know that reality is good just as it is, because
when we argue with it, we experience tension and
frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When
we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple,
fluid, kind, and fearless.”

An excerpt from Loving what is by Byron Katie

While I can’t seem myself joining classes, I spent the weekend discovering the incredible link between tantra and yoga. I realise that if I hope to get somewhere meaningful with tantra, I need to begin practising yoga. Strange how this realisation is only dawning on me now.

I have a very dear Skype contact living in Portugal, who has been encouraging me into yoga for ages. His enthusiasm has been contagious but I didn’t quite agree that it was true for me. I just discovered the most amazing resource for yogic breathing techniques as well as many energy awareness practises that I know I will be of huge benefit to me. I’m amazed I didn’t make the connection sooner. I somehow saw yoga as being about really difficult exercise. The form I’ve tried before probably was that, and it put me off the idea. Yet I love silent sitting meditation and I love to work with moving energy through my body and I know I need to balance my energies and I desperately want to increase my lung capacity, all of which can be achieved just using the exercises on the site I mention above.

The final push has come as a result of a fellow tantra enthusiast ( Rattan) who’s blog I read regularly and who is a big fan of Yogani. Since I’ve lately been posting articles about the masculine feminine aspects, I became sold on him when I read the following:

The inherent imbalance in non-tantric sexual relations is at the root of the difficulties that have existed in the relationship between men and women for thousands of years. When men feel inferior sexually to woman (which they are before learning tantric methods) they tend to try and compensate by dominating women in other ways – trying to control their huge feminine sexual power. This is one reason why women have been held down in many societies over the centuries. Men harbor a deep subconscious fear of women. Men are not fundamentally to blame for this, and neither are women. It is a phenomenon that has its roots in immature biological and neurological processes. As the processes of the nervous system evolve to a higher level offunctioning, more equality in sexual relations arises, and the subconscious fears and aggressions gradually disappear. This will be one of the fringe benefits of this new age of enlightenment – a balancing of the sexual energies that flow between men and women. There will be more honor, more integrity, more respect, and much more love. Women will receive much more of the deep reverence they deserve. It is happening already.

Sourced HERE

Peaceful Passion? That sounds like two different things, doesn’t it? Passion is hot, sexy and full of fire. Peace is soft and graceful. Peaceful Passion is a union of opposites, a lovemaking that blends body, heart and spirit into an experience of infinite delight. And every couple can enjoy it, regardless of age or sexual appetite.

Peaceful Passion is a revolutionary new way to enjoy sexual connection with your partner. What is wonderful about this easy approach is that NOTHING is required. It’s easy! You don’t even have to be “in the mood.” (But you can be.) You can make an appointment. You don’t have to be aroused. (But you can be!) No effort is involved. No one has to work, or “do” their partner. There is no goal except to be in the “now” with your Beloved. You can even enjoy Peaceful Passion without an erection! (There’s an ancient saying: in soft, out hard!)

What? Isn’t lovemaking supposed to be filled with vigorous activity, stimulation, tension and release? Isn’t the purpose of sex to achieve the release of climax? Aren’t bigger, better and more frequent orgasms the goal?

In Peaceful Passion, sexual union creates intimacy. Intimacy, closeness, a sense of belonging. A sense of being seen (intimacy = in-to-me-see), being acknowledged, being present, one soul with another. At the same time, Peaceful Passion gives a delicious and juicy charge to our batteries!

Sexual union through Peaceful Passion enhances and celebrates an experience of deep love. Many people think that sex is the way to become intimate with your partner, but others want to feel intimately connected BEFORE engaging in sexual contact! This difference of thought often results in a misalignment of timing and intention. Peaceful Passion, providing both emotional AND sexual connection, is a worth-trying solution to this age-old relationship impasse.

When you share one another’s energy through Peaceful Passion, you create balance and a high level of alignment and purpose in your relationship. Even 10 minutes of Peaceful Passion can open you to an exciting flow of vitality that lasts all day.

In Peaceful Passion there is no need for traditional “foreplay” prior to genital connection. Are you ready to expand your understanding of orgasm to include a relaxed yet energizing expansive experience rather than an intensely focused lower chakra contraction/release? The potential for deep sexual satisfaction is greatest when both people are relaxed, conscious and aware, the keys to Peaceful Passion.

One reason is that Peaceful Passion encourages a circulation of energy through the chakras. Eye contact, allowing your Beloved to see into your eyes, helps bring that energy flow up through the heart. When sex and heart energy are integrated, a spiritual connection automatically follows. This connection with the Source of your life-force can easily shift your experience into a transcendent, ecstatic state. (Once you experience it for yourself, you’ll find your own descriptive words!)

There is also another reason why Peaceful Passion is so powerful. This reason is more scientific and has to do with the biochemical substances our bodies produce during arousal and climax. For example, whenever we connect intimately, there is an increase of “oxytocin,” a delightful hormone that directs us to enjoy bonding with the person who is touching us.

Climax and ejaculation produce an overload of “dopamine,” which we experience as a rush similar to adrenaline. (Dopamine is also responsible for the charge delivered by caffeine, drugs, high-energy sports and other potentially addictive activities.) Unfortunately, after the rush there is an inevitable crash as dopamine levels – and interest in our partner – drop quickly and abruptly. This dropoff of dopamine results an upsurge of a hormone called “prolactin.” According to Marnia Robinson, author of Peace Between the Sheets, high levels of prolactin cause us, among other symptoms, to actually withdraw from intimacy! How about that? Instead of being rewarded with greater feelings of closeness, what has been considered the ultimate act of making love can end up literally pushing us away from each other.

The Peaceful Passion approach to lovemaking may be revolutionary but it isn’t really new. The writings of ancient sages of various cultures and traditions encourage and guide us to explore the possibilities of loving without the goal of climax or ejaculation.

I look forward to any questions you may have about how to add Peaceful Passion to your sexual menu, as you transform your relationship into a Love Affair!!

Sourced and adapted from HERE

This article just says it like it is!

A sham. That’s what the entire game of romance is. Who is our “romance” really about? Us, and us alone. We say – I love you. But what we really mean is – Please love me. Manipulation is all it is.

Manipulation to fill our gaps, so we can feel loved, to feel needed. In fact, we have come to confuse the two words – being needed, to us, is the same as being in love!

A friend of mine was complaining to me about something very strange. Her husband had begun to discover the joys of aloneness. He had become meditative, more content and quietly joyful. He loved and laughed when he was with her, but he was also beginning to enjoy his solitary time. He was starting to see that there was nothing lacking, that he no longer needed her to feel complete.

And she began going insane. She became worried; her suspicions began overwhelming her. Why is he so content, so happy? What was he doing in his solitary walks in the park? Is there another woman? She followed him, but he did nothing wrong – he just walked. She spied on him when he was alone in the study, but he did nothing wrong there either – he was meditating, reading, praying. No forbidden love, no strange fetish.

“Why?” she wailed. “What is going on?” Why was she upset? That would be a better question. He no longer needed her, and to her it felt like he was falling out of love. But he wasn’t – in fact, he was falling in love for the first time.

Neediness is so common that we think it’s a sign of romantic love. But neediness is simply that – neediness. And this need will never be satisfied, for nobody – no matter how sweet, handsome, beautiful, gentle, extravagant, and attentive – can ever love your ego the way it wants to be loved.

At most, you will be satisfied for a period of time – the “honeymoon” phase, when you are “in love”, when everything seems perfect and beautiful. Your existence seems to have meaning, for someone needs you and loves you.

Then one day your needs and insecurities – all symptoms of the basic, primordial sense of fragmentation – raise their heads again. Or maybe it just seems that way – they had always been there, we just forgot about them for a while. And that’s when the arguments start, for we think it is the fault of the other person.

“You were supposed to make me happy!” you cry. And the sweetness, the smiles and the kisses begin to swing the other way. We become sad; we attack them for not making us happy; we manipulate them into giving us more. Maybe they give in, and the pendulum swings back into sweetness. Maybe they don’t, and we break up in tears and anger. This even seems normal.

But it is not their fault. No one can take away our primordial sense of separation except us. But we don’t know that, and so we go on complaining and pulling strings. We forget that the only way to be satisfied is to be satisfied in yourself.

Lonely people cannot Love; they can only pretend to, for they have nothing to give. They only give a plastic love, in the hope that someone will give real Love in return. Everything becomes a giant game; a chess match.

But when you no longer need to be needed, when you truly stop wanting to be wanted, that’s when your loneliness changes into aloneness. And you begin to see Love.

Dedicated to all those who are or have been lonely and alienated.

Source