Tantra

Body Armouring

skeletonlovers_embrace
by Margo Anand

Healing Your Genital Armoring

Body armoring is a process whereby past traumatic experiences are stored in the body’s muscle tissues. What happens is that the body’s tissues harden, creating tension and blocking energy in the area that has been traumatized. By armoring itself, the body’s intention is to reduce its vulnerability to pain. But this process has the parallel effect of reducing our capacity for feeling pleasure.

In this regard the male and female sex organs are as prone to armoring as the rest of the body and can function at a reduced level of sensitivity. In fact, because the sexual organs have been subjected to vigorous condemnation from childhood onward, the genital area has become a major storehouse of negative imprints, greatly reducing our capacity for sexual pleasure and preventing full enjoyment of orgasmic release. Think about it for a moment. Traces of the emotional content of every unsatisfactory sexual experience have been recorded in the muscular tissues of your genitals, building up tension in the area so slowly that you did not even suspect that it was happening.

In men, circumcision, early experiences of guilt and fear associated with masturbation, clumsy prostatic examinations, and a compulsion to demonstrate “masculinity” by being forceful and thrusting in lovemaking all contribute to genital armoring. This armoring can manifest itself as a hardening of the penis, causing penile insensitivity that requires extremely strong stimulation in order to achieve arousal or, by contrast, it can result in an oversensitivity and fragility of the foreskin that translates into the attitude, “Don’t touch me!” Armoring in men also manifests itself in the form of chronic tension in the anal sphincter muscles, involuntary erections, and an attitude of sexual greed – the need for repeated genital stimulation.

In women, armoring can be caused by guilty masturbation, forceful male fingering, sexual intercourse without sufficient foreplay, making love when you don’t feel like it, failing to reach orgasm, having an abortion, or undergoing a caesarean birth or a hysterectomy. These contribute to the build-up of insensitivity in tissues around the vagina and pelvis. This tension manifests itself most commonly as a subtle tightness or stiffness in a vagina that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. As a result, it is only narrowly receptive to the male organ.

Through working with many women, I have been able to create an “armoring map” of the vagina, showing how certain types of fears are related to specific areas of the female sex organs.

Vaginal lips: fear of opening, shame, desire to hide, a feeling of “l can’t do this!”
Clitoris: nervousness, distrust, impatience, holding tight, like clenching your fists or teeth when you don’t want to express your anger
Perineum and perineal sponge: difficulty letting go into pleasure, numbness
G spot: sexual frustration as a result of faking orgasm, performance anxiety, feeling inadequate, pushing for orgasm and not getting it
Vagina canal around cervix: anger, expecting the worst, neediness, feeling like a victim, abortions, and childbirth traumas
If you are not sure whether genital armoring applies to you, try answering these questions. Think about them slowly rather than giving a reflex response:
Women: Were you forced into sexual intercourse or sexual manipulation at an early age, before you were ready?

Have you ever made love because your partner was turned on, even though you didn’t feel like it?

Have you ever felt your partner left you “hanging in mid-air” while he was already “over the edge”?

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

Men: Have you ever made love as a performance, even though you had no enthusiasm for it?

Have you ever found yourself so busy giving pleasure to your woman that you forgot about your own pleasure?

Both: During sex have you ever found to your dismay that you couldn’t feel anything “down there”?

Have you ever made love as way of avoiding confrontation with your partner or covering up your anger?

Have you ever believed that everyone else was sexual and orgasmic, while you were lagging way behind, feeling just a trickle of a sensation?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have some body armoring in your genitals. This armoring also translates into psychological attitudes -for instance, feeling uncomfortable talking about your sexuality or your genitals, or feeling discomfort when your lover examines your genitals. Working with hundreds of people, I have found that armoring seriously inhibits sexual sensitivity and therefore blocks deeper pleasure. I have also found that it is difficult for people to be open to the ecstasy of High Sex until the whole genital and anal area has been cleaned of imprints left by negative sexual experiences. Only through direct, hands-on, loving massage around and inside the genital area can we effectively heal these past wounds and transform pain into, pleasure. To do this we need to direct our full attention and acceptance to the way our genitals feel.

When the penis is healed, it becomes flexible, warm, and vibrantly alive when erect. In addition to the stimulation provided by vigorous sexual intercourse, this increased sensitivity enables the man to receive pleasure by resting his penis in the vagina in a gentle, relaxed, non-demanding way. Prior to healing, he may not have been able to feel anything without continued stimulation.

When the vagina is healed, it becomes naturally yielding, soft, and welcoming, allowing a sense of trust and playfulness in lovemaking. The vaginal muscles are elastic and respond to the penis by massaging it naturally.

Love and acceptance are the key ingredients for healing. That is why we need to understand the meaning of loving ourselves and our bodies before we can even think of making love with another person. Only then are we fully ready and available for the joys of ecstatic lovemaking.

picnic-lovers

Be a Masterful Lover

picnic-loversThings have been rather quiet here for a while. I’ve been through some interesting and arresting times and haven’t felt drawn to visit my site (here) at all.

Reading this article (below) I was reminded of a richness that is often so close and yet can seem so far.

Breeeaaaathe, and enjoy ~

Be a Masterful Lover- Give Your Goddess These 3 Gifts.

eyegaze

What is Tantric Eye-gazing?

eyegaze

Eye gazing is the practice of staring into the eyes of a partner or yourself via a mirror. It is an ancient tantric practice that will dramatically increase intimacy with your partner by allowing a view of your deeper self and also allowing a powerful exchange of energies.

Eye gazing is a natural for new lovers and young children but modern lifestyles, a need to focus on other things and multi-task and objectification of humans decreases our inclination and ability to gaze into the eyes of another. Eyes truly are the window to your soul, so if you want to really know yourself or your partner, try this beautiful, moving experience that Rumi calls “consciousness of union” and brings many to tears.

Eye gazing is incredibly powerful and most people are so disconnected from their true spiritual side, that eye gazing can be a very weird and uncomfortable experience initially and many people are simply unable to do it. It takes practice and determination, a willing partner to overcome initial feelings of vulnerability, overwhelming emotions and even strange phenomenon such as morphing faces.

Why Practice Eye Gazing?

Eye gazing is an extremely intense experience that does not allow hiding or aversion because it is a direct soul connection. External issues disappear as well as physical boundaries between partners as the separateness dissolves and you melt into each others soul. There is a spiritual component to eye gazing as well because many believe a spirit or “god” to live within us, so this is an opportunity for us to see the embodiment of the divine.

In the context of lovemaking, eye gazing should be mandatory. Without eye contact, lovemaking is merely sex, devoid of love or a spiritual connection and it adds that certain element that creates love, bonding and intimacy and allows both parties to feel fulfilled.

How to Practice Eye Gazing?

Your left eye is known as the most direct window to your soul. Therefore, when eye gazing, stare in your partners left eye, or the eye on the right side of your partners face from your point of view. Your partner should do the same with you.

“Eye gazing sessions often take participants on a journey through a variety of experiences which might include; great stillness and calm, waves of sadness / loss / grief, extraordinary light reversals and colour changes, strong tactile body sensations, fits of euphoric laughter, ecstasy etc. The more we can accept and surrender to whatever comes up the deeper we are able to go and thus the richer our experience will be.” Eyegazing.co.uk

Eye gazing can be practiced with anyone who desires a deeper connection. It does not have to be a sexual partner or a sexual experience. You can practice eye gazing by sitting across from your partner without touching, while holding hands or while making love. As you become comfortable with eye gazing, you can amplify the experience by practicing synchronized breathing with your partner or by placing your right hand on each others hearts and left hand on your own for a magnificent energy transfer.

Variations of Eye Gazing

Eye gazing can have tremendous therapeutic and healing benefits due to the powerful energy transfer and if practiced for any length of time, it is common for emotional pain to surface, which the participant can feel and release in a gentle yet powerful way.

Eye gazing is also a moving and enlightening experience when practiced solo. It is also an excellent way to get to know yourself, your inner self and also to become comfortable with eye gazing. Start out by gazing at your own face in the mirror to try to see the little nuances about yourself that others see. Eventually gaze into your own left eye for as long as you are able. Go as deep as you can.

You can also practice basic eye contact which is lost on many adults today. You will quickly see how uncomfortable people become with this level of intimacy but many will be drawn to the inner you and your confidence level. Be sure to keep your facial features neutral so you don’t come across as creepy or underhanded.

Eye gazing is even replacing speed dating as an even quicker “get to know you”, because people found that the trite conversation of speed dating never let them get to know the other person. Some find it weird and disconcerting, but it seems to be taking off in larger cities such as New York and San Francisco so perhaps people are finally reaching out for the deeper connection that has been lost for so long.

Pausing in the busy-ness

This clip beautifully captures much of the essence of what I teach about touch and presence through touch. By pausing, we can turn our attention inward and feel where we’re at in our core essence. Enjoy!

lovers

Dear Lover (Deida)

lovers

“Like every man or woman, sometimes I want to flow and enjoy feminine energy and sometimes I want to go straight ahead toward a goal in the masculine style with no interruptions. But my sexual essence happens to be masculine, and so I am attracted to you, a lover with a feminine essence.

I know what I want sexually from you, dear lover. I want to see your feminine light and feel your invitation to merge with your feminine energy. I want to enter and claim your feminine heart open to God. I want to inhabit your loving surrender and open in love’s bliss with you not simply as friends, but as lovers in the play of passion and ravishment.

And yet I often feel you closing down or pushing me away. Sexually, I sometimes feel your coldness and resistance more than your joy of surrender. I know that sometimes it is my fault. I have been insensitive or cruel. And I know sometimes you are just too tired to open. But there are times that I don’t feel your heart open to receive my love even when you seem full of energy and I am fully present with you.

I want to enjoy deep sexual loving with you, but I also want both of us to open for the sake of everyone. I want our bedroom to be a palace of bliss, but I also want our hearts to give their gifts all day, so we live as the fulfillment of love, always opening, feeling everyone, making love through all our daily actions and relationships. I want you to open to me and I want to give you everything, but I also want both of us to open, feel, and offer ourselves to everyone all day.

I hope that together we can liberate our true hearts from our cages of fear. Then, our bodies can merge open in sexual delight and our hours can come and go as love all day.”

from “Dear Lover” by David Deida

3 Tantra basics

I have borrowed these exercises from a site I visit regularly. Enjoy!

“There are three exercises that I always teach as the basis for any Tantric work. They are Deep Belly Breathing, the PC Pump and the Pelvic Tilt. It’s best to learn each independently first so they are second nature. After that, you learn to combine the three.

The Breath

It’s always best to start with the breath. You would be amazed at how difficult it can be to breathe correctly. Some people cannot feel their bodies. If you are one of these people don’t give up, just keep trying and with practice you will get it. You want to really concentrate on taking a slow full breath in. Expand your belly, give room for your lungs to expand fully. Then when you want to exhale, just relax. Again, this may sound easy, but if you experience difficulty in isolating your belly and getting it to go out on the inhale lie down on the floor on your back. Put your hands on your stomach or a book or something so your awareness has somewhere to concentrate the sensation on.

When I coach, I always suggest starting any practice slowly so that you actually end up doing it. For most people an hour commitment every day just seems too difficult so they never begin. But if you start with three or four minutes a day, just lying in your bed before getting up, breathing deeply and consciously, you might actually keep doing it for more than two days. Then the more you do it, the more desire you have to remember to breathe this way. As time goes by you might want to more of it in the morning because it feels so good. You might even start to think of it in the middle of the day and check in on your body to see if you are breathing deeply or not.

People often wonder why I suggest learning this and stress it so much- it’s because there is nothing on the planet that brings us into our bodies and brings us more present to the now than the breath. It’s life and increases life force in our bodies, opening up orgasmic channels that help kundalini to flow.

The PC Pump

Women have been taught about this, the Kegel or PC (pubococcygeus) muscle, and how to exercise it for childbirth for years. We have been told that it reduces the incidence of incontinence that can develop with age. What isn’t communicated, however is the importance of this exercise for men. Studies have shown that doing this exercise reduces prostate problems in men.For both sexes, this exercise enhances your sexual experience. For men it is the basic exercise for learning ejaculatory control and for beginning to learn to be multi orgasmic.

For women, it helps bring on orgasm and enhances your sexual experience, too. If you are a heterosexual woman, you can really enhance both of your and your partner’s experience by learning to milk his vajra (Tantric word for penis. Another is lingham) with your muscles… it feels great to him and wonderful for you.

Some people have a hard time finding the muscle, but it can be easily learned. You just use the same muscles that you contract to stop the flow of urine. If you have any question as to what that feels like or which muscles you are supposed to be using, then practice the next time you pee. When you tighten the right muscle the flow of urine stops. You can start and stop numerous times to integrate the feeling. Then just replicate that feeling when not urinating, going back to checking when you are, just to make sure you have the right muscles. Many people think they are doing the right ones when they are really just contracting their lower stomach muscles. It’s really a good thing to check.

Once you get the basic feeling down, you can play with the the PC Pump in a variety of ways: try tightening lots of times really fast. Then tighten it slowly or alternate fast and slow.Try doing it R…E…..A….L…L..Y slowly, hold, then slowly release.Tighten it to about a third of the way, then again tighter, then again. Then go down in increments.For women, when you reach the bottom, bulge that muscle out like you are pushing a baby out. This is one exercise to begin to ready your body for ejaculation, ladies.

For the women: you can stick you finger inside yoni as you do the exercises to understand the feelings and to give yourself a sort of visual or more integrated kinesthetic knowing of your body. This can be especially helpful when learning milking.

The Pelvic Tilt:

When first learning this one, I have found that the easiest way to feel the sensation is to lie down on your back with knees bent, feet flat on the ground. Take your fingers and feel the area right above cheeks of your butt. Most people have a bit of an indentation on either side of the top of a triangle bone called the sacrum. The bone then continues down into a point about five to six inches or so. This is where you focus.

Usually when lying down in this position, there is a natural curve to the back, with this triangle,or sacrum, slightly arched, leaving a space right above it between your back and the floor. To get the motion down, tighten your thighs a bit and flatten only that sacrum part of your lower butt/back to the floor. Don’t round your whole back, just that part moves. Now press it under a bit more, arching the pubic bone up and tilting it at an angle. Then release and arch it the other way slightly exaggerating the space between the back and the floor. Again…this does not involve the whole back, just that sacrum area.

Try it a few times, then when you feel comfortable, do it rhythmically to a very slow beat, arching first one way then the other. Once feel you have the sensation of what it is supposed to feel like with the added pressure of the floor, you can then sit a zafu (or other pillow) on the floor or on a chair with no arms. Sit up straight on the edge of the chair, spread your legs and begin the motion in that position. Again..all movement is just in that lower part of the body- only movement below the waist should be going on. You can imagine that your pelvis is on a fulcrum moving back and forth while the rest of the body sits still.

Once you have this down, you can practice it in a variety of positions, always focusing on isolating that very lowest part of your body. Eventually you will feel so at ease with this, the Breath and the PC Pump exercises that you will be able to combine them for enhanced meditation practice, increasing orgasmic energy flow throughout the body, controlling sexual orgasmic release and grounding.”

What is Authentic Sexuality?

A valuable article from Deva Charu. Much of what she says is what I’ve found to be true in so many ways:

As the things that used to titillate me and turn me on dissolve, I find myself asking what is it to be ‘turned on’ when it does not come from my brain?

It seems to me that most of the things that are sexually exciting to us as human beings fall under one of the following categories:

1. forbidden in some way eg. making love in public

2. inaccessible, unrequited eg. lusting after someones spouse

3. ‘bad’, unethical, just plain ‘wrong’ eg. sleeping with someones spouse, a teacher, co-worker

4. shameful eg. longing for some sordid sexual act

5. punish-able eg. (see ‘bad’, unethical)

6. somehow involving control eg. a feeling ‘if I am sexy enough to win this persons attention, I have ‘won’ control over them

For some(most) of us, we have been raised so isolated from sex and sexuality that we are turned on by anything sexual because to us it somehow falls into one of these categories.

And yet, when we find ourselves in loving, committed relationships, these elements are generally not a part of it, or if they are, the novelty wears off after a while and we are left with a person we love, who loves us and…???  How in the world do you get turned on within such freedom and love?

I always had a feeling that most of the time when I felt ‘titillated’ it came from my brain…being a meditator I imagined that as I let go of listening to what my mind was telling me, and little by little found my way back to the wisdom of my body, that all of these turn-ons would go away and I would begin to discover what is ‘authentic sexuality’.

I believe that I have had moments of this.  The first of which occurred for me in India at the Osho commune.  Each evening we would do a 3 hour meditation which involved dancing, listening to a lecture, speaking gibberish (making sounds), and resting silently…whenever I would participate in this meditation I would feel my heart open, and with it, my vagina.  I would often leave the meditation hall feeling a slippery wetness dripping down my legs…I felt very alive, and none of it came from stimulating my brain or what I had come to believe was sexy.  It was simply a bodily response.

I have also felt this several times within my relationship, moments when I have felt so loved, and allowed myself to receive that love…as my heart would open, my vagina would open in a completely genuine, alive delicious way.

…and, of course, one of the main things that drew me to Tantra, and that keeps me consistently dedicated to this practice is that in Tantra I have often felt the sweet, authentic, connected opening that I so long for.

Several times in my life, including right now, I have felt a wall come up, or a switch has been flipped ‘off’.  The things that once turned me on no longer do and I feel strange and slightly less than human.

Although I regularly practice opening my heart and my body, it seems that the door to my authentic sexuality does not yet know how to stay open consistently and I find myself in an uncomfortable numbness.  Or perhaps it is that as I am opening more and more and journeying deeper into unknown territory inside of me, I am gradually uncovering walled-off areas that I had been able to avoid when I was more disconnected.  Perhaps there was a more comfortable layer of behavior that has been burned away by the meditation and I am sitting with parts of myself that I had been safely avoiding.

My intuition says that something beautiful is happening for me, that I am meeting a new side of myself and as I allow myself to feel what is happening in my body, I will begin to discover a new level of authenticity…perhaps make new ground-breaking discoveries about what is available between man and woman.  Perhaps touch the depths of myself on a new level and learn to experience even more of life, even more of lovemaking, even more intimacy.

In the meantime, I am having trouble letting go and allowing.  I feel confused, frustrated and wrong for experiencing this.  I feel a responsibility to satisfy my partner, I feel a pressure from within to ‘hurry up and get through this’ so that I can again feel alive the way that I once did.

I am afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of what comes after this point.

The point beyond excitement into a discovery of essential arousal.

in love,

Charu

Connecting exercise

This is one of my favorite tantra techniques as it is simple, effortless, and can be done before you get out of bed in the morning or before you go to sleep at night.  And it may become habit forming!

Find a quiet, comfortable space with no interruptions.  Put on your sarongs, if you like, and lie on your sides facing, toes touching, with top arms resting lightly on each other’s body.  Use gentle taps to move from step to step.

1.  Allow your bodies to surrender into relaxation with your eyes closed, 5 minutes.

2.  Now gaze softly into each other’s left eye as you notice the sparkle, depth, and divinity. Relax your vision and blink as needed. Allow a gentle merging and melting. Maintain for 5 minutes.

3.  Breathe slowly, deeply, and synchronized as you continue to gaze for 5 minutes.

4.  Take turns speaking softly as you briefly share what you see in each other. It may be a soft heart and strong masculine energy, or a beautiful being who is blossoming into motherhood.

5.  Enjoy a sweet, slow tantric kiss, barely touching lips, as you focus on the soft skin sensations.

Thank your partner for sharing this sacred time and separate slowly allowing your bodies a gradual disconnect.  As you resume your day, maintain silence for as long as is comfortable.

Source:

PAM BABBIT

kundalini rise

On the benefits of balanced sexuality

kundalini rise

In the East there is a tradition of, energy rising. Kundalini.
There are several descriptions/theories of the phenomenon. Here is one:

Some say there are three centres, some say five, some say seven, some say
eleven. And so on. Seven is the most ‘popular.’

Imagine turbines/fans/wheels at each of the designated centres in the body.
Energy is ‘stored’ at the base of the spine and as each centre is
‘liberated’ that turbine revolves freely, and the energy moves uninhibited
to the next centre.

The first centre encountered is the sex centre.
If we do not clear that centre the energy never fully goes beyond that point
- through to the survival; enquiry; love; expression; realising that all is
one; becoming ‘part’ of the one; becoming the one.
The latter centre is said by some to be above the head.

So if the first centre is not taken care of the full force of the energy
does not rise to and through the other centres. Which means, if sex is not
balanced, the full experience of love is not attained.

SOURCE

Slow5

To Thrust or Not to Thrust…

Slow5

In love­making, more thrusting does not necessarily mean more pleasure. With stillness, a man’s penis will begin to direct him how to make love, when to move, when to be still. For both partners, motionlessness has the psychological effect of quieting the mind, and it can also be used to moderate your arousal. During intense lovemaking, stop the thrusting, hold your body still and enjoy the sensations that had been camouflaged by the intensity of the thrusting.

(Note: I’m finding that life can be kinda like this too – in many areas.)

SOURCE

Tantric Waves

I’m copying a discussion from a Facebook group that I belong to as I think it beautifully describes some aspects of the tantric treasures that are available but seldom spoken of:

Q: Many people ask about the waves. We all experience them differently. In fact, to my experience, they are never the same. :) Please share your experience and questions!
Post #2
Tracy wrote on February 28, 2009 at 4:11am
The waves are always present. In meditation we become aware of them, and what affects them, as our thoughts ride by on them. In practicing Tantra, we learn how to ride the waves, how the wind affects them, how thoughts affect them, etc. With practice, most find that movement, breath, and sound all have a major impact on moving energy. My partner and Tantra instructor, Harold Kornylak, takes those basic principals a step further by pointing out the impact that intention can have on that as well. Meditation is absolutely essential for keeping in tune with and open to your energetic system. Meditation is the place to start, if your desire is to experience the waves.
Post #3
Harold (Virginia Beach / Norfolk, VA) wrote on February 28, 2009 at 4:16am
Responding to the “wall” question:
“Has anyone really experienced and was capable of managing ‘waves’ leading to the most powerful orgasm?”
Very definitely! It is a totally natural process, so not difficult to do at all, just need help overcoming the programming we have that makes us resist the process. I find it VERY easy to teach pretty much anyone who wants to learn it! And folks who have been sexually active their whole life say they had never dreamed that an orgasm could be so powerful, but then it becomes their new standard.
Post #4
Grigoris (HS Holland Den Haag) wrote on March 24, 2009 at 2:19am
I have rode those tantric waves (by accident) a couple of times in the past. It was a spiraling experience that I never felt before! The energy kept circling and spiraling, rising higher, until the point of orgasm where we both had orgasm and indeed it was so powerful! Both my partner’s body and mine strocked like we’ve been hit by a thunder. And that lasted for about 5-7 seconds. We felt electricity, it was something I couldn’t imagine that was possible to achieve, but it happened! She then hugged me, I hugged her and we remained like that for many minutes, maybe trying to reach the emotion we had just experienced.

Touching the Heart of Freedom

Playing and exploring with sexual energy as a form of meditation is a delicious and liberating journey into the Unknown. I love how this extract illuminates the idea:

“If we take our open hand and slowly close it tightly, an effort is required both to clench the hand and to maintain it in that contracted gesture.

If we maintain the hand in this contracted gesture for some time, the muscles will become accustomed to this new position, and we will soon cease to be aware that a subtle effort is continually being applied in order to maintain it.

If someone were now to ask us to open our hand, we would feel that the opening of the hand required some effort. At some stage, as we open our hand, we will become aware of the fact that we are not applying a new effort in order to open the hand, but rather that we are relaxing a previous effort, of which we were no longer even aware.

The apparent effort to open the hand turns out to be the relaxation of the original effort to contract the hand. What appeared to be the initiation of an effort turns out to be the cessation of an effort.

Meditation works in a similar way. Our true nature is open, unlimited, free, conscious, self-luminous and self-evident. This is our moment by moment experience, although we may not be aware of it. ” RUPERT SPIRA