embracing your innate beauty and perfection
Tantra
Body Armouring
Jul 3rd
by Margo Anand
Healing Your Genital Armoring
Body armoring is a process whereby past traumatic experiences are stored in the body’s muscle tissues. What happens is that the body’s tissues harden, creating tension and blocking energy in the area that has been traumatized. By armoring itself, the body’s intention is to reduce its vulnerability to pain. But this process has the parallel effect of reducing our capacity for feeling pleasure.
In this regard the male and female sex organs are as prone to armoring as the rest of the body and can function at a reduced level of sensitivity. In fact, because the sexual organs have been subjected to vigorous condemnation from childhood onward, the genital area has become a major storehouse of negative imprints, greatly reducing our capacity for sexual pleasure and preventing full enjoyment of orgasmic release. Think about it for a moment. Traces of the emotional content of every unsatisfactory sexual experience have been recorded in the muscular tissues of your genitals, building up tension in the area so slowly that you did not even suspect that it was happening.
In men, circumcision, early experiences of guilt and fear associated with masturbation, clumsy prostatic examinations, and a compulsion to demonstrate “masculinity” by being forceful and thrusting in lovemaking all contribute to genital armoring. This armoring can manifest itself as a hardening of the penis, causing penile insensitivity that requires extremely strong stimulation in order to achieve arousal or, by contrast, it can result in an oversensitivity and fragility of the foreskin that translates into the attitude, “Don’t touch me!” Armoring in men also manifests itself in the form of chronic tension in the anal sphincter muscles, involuntary erections, and an attitude of sexual greed – the need for repeated genital stimulation.
In women, armoring can be caused by guilty masturbation, forceful male fingering, sexual intercourse without sufficient foreplay, making love when you don’t feel like it, failing to reach orgasm, having an abortion, or undergoing a caesarean birth or a hysterectomy. These contribute to the build-up of insensitivity in tissues around the vagina and pelvis. This tension manifests itself most commonly as a subtle tightness or stiffness in a vagina that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. As a result, it is only narrowly receptive to the male organ.
Through working with many women, I have been able to create an “armoring map” of the vagina, showing how certain types of fears are related to specific areas of the female sex organs.
Vaginal lips: fear of opening, shame, desire to hide, a feeling of “l can’t do this!”
Clitoris: nervousness, distrust, impatience, holding tight, like clenching your fists or teeth when you don’t want to express your anger
Perineum and perineal sponge: difficulty letting go into pleasure, numbness
G spot: sexual frustration as a result of faking orgasm, performance anxiety, feeling inadequate, pushing for orgasm and not getting it
Vagina canal around cervix: anger, expecting the worst, neediness, feeling like a victim, abortions, and childbirth traumas
If you are not sure whether genital armoring applies to you, try answering these questions. Think about them slowly rather than giving a reflex response:
Women: Were you forced into sexual intercourse or sexual manipulation at an early age, before you were ready?
Have you ever made love because your partner was turned on, even though you didn’t feel like it?
Have you ever felt your partner left you “hanging in mid-air” while he was already “over the edge”?
Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Men: Have you ever made love as a performance, even though you had no enthusiasm for it?
Have you ever found yourself so busy giving pleasure to your woman that you forgot about your own pleasure?
Both: During sex have you ever found to your dismay that you couldn’t feel anything “down there”?
Have you ever made love as way of avoiding confrontation with your partner or covering up your anger?
Have you ever believed that everyone else was sexual and orgasmic, while you were lagging way behind, feeling just a trickle of a sensation?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably have some body armoring in your genitals. This armoring also translates into psychological attitudes -for instance, feeling uncomfortable talking about your sexuality or your genitals, or feeling discomfort when your lover examines your genitals. Working with hundreds of people, I have found that armoring seriously inhibits sexual sensitivity and therefore blocks deeper pleasure. I have also found that it is difficult for people to be open to the ecstasy of High Sex until the whole genital and anal area has been cleaned of imprints left by negative sexual experiences. Only through direct, hands-on, loving massage around and inside the genital area can we effectively heal these past wounds and transform pain into, pleasure. To do this we need to direct our full attention and acceptance to the way our genitals feel.
When the penis is healed, it becomes flexible, warm, and vibrantly alive when erect. In addition to the stimulation provided by vigorous sexual intercourse, this increased sensitivity enables the man to receive pleasure by resting his penis in the vagina in a gentle, relaxed, non-demanding way. Prior to healing, he may not have been able to feel anything without continued stimulation.
When the vagina is healed, it becomes naturally yielding, soft, and welcoming, allowing a sense of trust and playfulness in lovemaking. The vaginal muscles are elastic and respond to the penis by massaging it naturally.
Love and acceptance are the key ingredients for healing. That is why we need to understand the meaning of loving ourselves and our bodies before we can even think of making love with another person. Only then are we fully ready and available for the joys of ecstatic lovemaking.
Be a Masterful Lover
Jun 29th
Things have been rather quiet here for a while. I’ve been through some interesting and arresting times and haven’t felt drawn to visit my site (here) at all.
Reading this article (below) I was reminded of a richness that is often so close and yet can seem so far.
Breeeaaaathe, and enjoy ~
What is Tantric Eye-gazing?
Mar 31st
Eye gazing is the practice of staring into the eyes of a partner or yourself via a mirror. It is an ancient tantric practice that will dramatically increase intimacy with your partner by allowing a view of your deeper self and also allowing a powerful exchange of energies.
Eye gazing is a natural for new lovers and young children but modern lifestyles, a need to focus on other things and multi-task and objectification of humans decreases our inclination and ability to gaze into the eyes of another. Eyes truly are the window to your soul, so if you want to really know yourself or your partner, try this beautiful, moving experience that Rumi calls “consciousness of union” and brings many to tears.
Eye gazing is incredibly powerful and most people are so disconnected from their true spiritual side, that eye gazing can be a very weird and uncomfortable experience initially and many people are simply unable to do it. It takes practice and determination, a willing partner to overcome initial feelings of vulnerability, overwhelming emotions and even strange phenomenon such as morphing faces.
Why Practice Eye Gazing?
Eye gazing is an extremely intense experience that does not allow hiding or aversion because it is a direct soul connection. External issues disappear as well as physical boundaries between partners as the separateness dissolves and you melt into each others soul. There is a spiritual component to eye gazing as well because many believe a spirit or “god” to live within us, so this is an opportunity for us to see the embodiment of the divine.
In the context of lovemaking, eye gazing should be mandatory. Without eye contact, lovemaking is merely sex, devoid of love or a spiritual connection and it adds that certain element that creates love, bonding and intimacy and allows both parties to feel fulfilled.
How to Practice Eye Gazing?
Your left eye is known as the most direct window to your soul. Therefore, when eye gazing, stare in your partners left eye, or the eye on the right side of your partners face from your point of view. Your partner should do the same with you.
“Eye gazing sessions often take participants on a journey through a variety of experiences which might include; great stillness and calm, waves of sadness / loss / grief, extraordinary light reversals and colour changes, strong tactile body sensations, fits of euphoric laughter, ecstasy etc. The more we can accept and surrender to whatever comes up the deeper we are able to go and thus the richer our experience will be.” Eyegazing.co.uk
Eye gazing can be practiced with anyone who desires a deeper connection. It does not have to be a sexual partner or a sexual experience. You can practice eye gazing by sitting across from your partner without touching, while holding hands or while making love. As you become comfortable with eye gazing, you can amplify the experience by practicing synchronized breathing with your partner or by placing your right hand on each others hearts and left hand on your own for a magnificent energy transfer.
Variations of Eye Gazing
Eye gazing can have tremendous therapeutic and healing benefits due to the powerful energy transfer and if practiced for any length of time, it is common for emotional pain to surface, which the participant can feel and release in a gentle yet powerful way.
Eye gazing is also a moving and enlightening experience when practiced solo. It is also an excellent way to get to know yourself, your inner self and also to become comfortable with eye gazing. Start out by gazing at your own face in the mirror to try to see the little nuances about yourself that others see. Eventually gaze into your own left eye for as long as you are able. Go as deep as you can.
You can also practice basic eye contact which is lost on many adults today. You will quickly see how uncomfortable people become with this level of intimacy but many will be drawn to the inner you and your confidence level. Be sure to keep your facial features neutral so you don’t come across as creepy or underhanded.
Eye gazing is even replacing speed dating as an even quicker “get to know you”, because people found that the trite conversation of speed dating never let them get to know the other person. Some find it weird and disconcerting, but it seems to be taking off in larger cities such as New York and San Francisco so perhaps people are finally reaching out for the deeper connection that has been lost for so long.
Pausing in the busy-ness
Mar 31st
This clip beautifully captures much of the essence of what I teach about touch and presence through touch. By pausing, we can turn our attention inward and feel where we’re at in our core essence. Enjoy!
Martina’s take on Women
Mar 3rd
Women want to talk about men . . .
More specifically, all the things that men need to change or do differently in order for the relationship to work or for her to be happy. When did women get so out of balance that her happiness became a man’s responsibility?
A woman who is out of balance with herself imagines that all of the concerns in the relationship would disappear “if only he would change” or “if he would share his feelings”.
She becomes overly concerned with his emotional state and the fact that he “doesn’t share”. And when asked why she feels unhappy she will say, “it’s about Bob, I think he needs to do something new”.
Women tell men that they are not being “real men” and complain to each other that “he is not man enough for me”.
There is only one remedy for a woman to take – to realise that she needs to be more of a woman in order for her to experience the men around her differently, she needs to be willing to be vulnerable, to be tender, to be soft, exposed, expressive in her feminine essence. So many women have lost sight of what it is to be a woman. We have examples of the totally submissive woman throwing herself away and the totally emasculating woman taking control of everything. But where did the in tune, in touch, healthy expressive version of the feminine go? Where is the woman who is open, receptive, and wise? A real woman relaxes into her feeling nature, she uses structures and masculine intention where necessary but the way she moves within is from her feeling base, connected to herself as the source of knowing and feeling.
A real woman will nurture and tend to her inner needs. She will take time and space to recognise what is of value in her life, and she will give priority to what is of value. She will nurture real, loving and intimate communion with other women. She will support the men around her to grow, she will let him know what moves her, what touches her deeply and she will let him know when she experiences him being out of alignment with his values.
A real woman does not manipulate or use her sexuality to feel powerful or to fulfil her egoic desires for attention. She will not repress her sexuality or undervalue the natural power of her relaxed sensual, sexual being.
She will nurture herself sexually, she will feel confidently alive and loving and vibrant in her body. She is also discerning, she knows when to say yes and when to say no. In sexual relating, she will experience herself as open and receptive and she may be available to one man or many. She feels into the sexual opportunities to ascertain whether there is something of value for her, for him or both. She may ask, “Will it support us to move towards creating a more loving space for being of service to our communities?”
She gives herself lovingly to a man without expectation or condition. She allows her source, her love, to overflow and touch the man’s heart deeply.
She leaves a man free to discover for himself what it means to be a man. She takes care of her inner feminine and inner masculine so that she falls so deeply in love with life, there is no way out. She nurtures only that which is real inside of her. She drops all stories, agendas, performances and fantasies. She knows the quality experiences of connecting with her essence and she lives from this place. Sharing her essence with the world never drains her, is never a chore, simply an opportunity to share and amplify her inner experience.
She interfaces with the world through the feminine; she is tender, compassionate and loving in all thoughts and actions. The way she feels is expressed in her tone of voice, the way she holds her body and the expression on her face.
She celebrates life and inspires men and women to rejoice in life and the unique expression of their essence. She knows that men become men when women become women, as that is the way of polarity.
Polarity is always balancing itself, when a woman has moved into a masculine posture, the men she attracts will be more feminine; and when a woman falls deeply into her feminine she attracts masculine men. Women may force the premature end of a relationship due to “his lack of manliness”. However, she would find that through taking care of herself and learning to express her feminine, either the relationship will shift and he would reclaim the masculine space or the relationship will fall away, leaving her to attract a partner who is a more suitable polarity match.
So whenever, we are experiencing discomfort in our relationships and waiting for the other to change, look inside, ask yourself what needs to be taken care of internally. The discomfort is simply your own being calling you home. The joy of life is restored when men and women remember who they truly are.
Dear Lover (Deida)
Feb 1st
“Like every man or woman, sometimes I want to flow and enjoy feminine energy and sometimes I want to go straight ahead toward a goal in the masculine style with no interruptions. But my sexual essence happens to be masculine, and so I am attracted to you, a lover with a feminine essence.
I know what I want sexually from you, dear lover. I want to see your feminine light and feel your invitation to merge with your feminine energy. I want to enter and claim your feminine heart open to God. I want to inhabit your loving surrender and open in love’s bliss with you not simply as friends, but as lovers in the play of passion and ravishment.
And yet I often feel you closing down or pushing me away. Sexually, I sometimes feel your coldness and resistance more than your joy of surrender. I know that sometimes it is my fault. I have been insensitive or cruel. And I know sometimes you are just too tired to open. But there are times that I don’t feel your heart open to receive my love even when you seem full of energy and I am fully present with you.
I want to enjoy deep sexual loving with you, but I also want both of us to open for the sake of everyone. I want our bedroom to be a palace of bliss, but I also want our hearts to give their gifts all day, so we live as the fulfillment of love, always opening, feeling everyone, making love through all our daily actions and relationships. I want you to open to me and I want to give you everything, but I also want both of us to open, feel, and offer ourselves to everyone all day.
I hope that together we can liberate our true hearts from our cages of fear. Then, our bodies can merge open in sexual delight and our hours can come and go as love all day.”
from “Dear Lover” by David Deida
3 Tantra basics
Jan 1st
I have borrowed these exercises from a site I visit regularly. Enjoy!
“There are three exercises that I always teach as the basis for any Tantric work. They are Deep Belly Breathing, the PC Pump and the Pelvic Tilt. It’s best to learn each independently first so they are second nature. After that, you learn to combine the three.
The Breath
It’s always best to start with the breath. You would be amazed at how difficult it
can be to breathe correctly. Some people cannot feel their bodies. If you are one of these people don’t give up, just keep trying and with practice you will get it. You want to really concentrate on taking a slow full breath in. Expand your belly, give room for your lungs to expand fully. Then when you want to exhale, just relax. Again, this may sound easy, but if you experience difficulty in isolating your belly and getting it to go out on the inhale lie down on the floor on your back. Put your hands on your stomach or a book or something so your awareness has somewhere to concentrate the sensation on.
When I coach, I always suggest starting any practice slowly so that you actually end up doing it. For most people an hour commitment every day just seems too difficult so they never begin. But if you start with three or four minutes a day, just lying in your bed before getting up, breathing deeply and consciously, you might actually keep doing it for more than two days. Then the more you do it, the more desire you have to remember to breathe this way. As time goes by you might want to more of it in the morning because it feels so good. You might even start to think of it in the middle of the day and check in on your body to see if you are breathing deeply or not.
People often wonder why I suggest learning this and stress it so much- it’s because there is nothing on the planet that brings us into our bodies and brings us more present to the now than the breath. It’s life and increases life force in our bodies, opening up orgasmic channels that help kundalini to flow.
The PC Pump
Wom
en have been taught about this, the Kegel or PC (pubococcygeus) muscle, and how to exercise it for childbirth for years. We have been told that it reduces the incidence of incontinence that can develop with age. What isn’t communicated, however is the importance of this exercise for men. Studies have shown that doing this exercise reduces prostate problems in men.For both sexes, this exercise enhances your sexual experience. For men it is the basic exercise for learning ejaculatory control and for beginning to learn to be multi orgasmic.
For women, it helps bring on orgasm and enhances your sexual experience, too. If you are a heterosexual woman, you can really enhance both of your and your partner’s experience by learning to milk his vajra (Tantric word for penis. Another is lingham) with your muscles… it feels great to him and wonderful for you.
Some people have a hard time finding the muscle, but it can be easily learned. You just use the same muscles that you contract to stop the flow of urine. If you have any question as to what that feels like or which muscles you are supposed to be using, then practice the next time you pee. When you tighten the right muscle the flow of urine stops. You can start and stop numerous times to integrate the feeling. Then just replicate that feeling when not urinating, going back to checking when you are, just to make sure you have the right muscles. Many people think they are doing the right ones when they are really just contracting their lower stomach muscles. It’s really a good thing to check.
Once you get the basic feeling down, you can play with the the PC Pump in a variety of ways: try tightening lots of times really fast. Then tighten it slowly or alternate fast and slow.Try doing it R…E…..A….L…L..Y slowly, hold, then slowly release.Tighten it to about a third of the way, then again tighter, then again. Then go down in increments.For women, when you reach the bottom, bulge that muscle out like you are pushing a baby out. This is one exercise to begin to ready your body for ejaculation, ladies.
For the women: you can stick you finger inside yoni as you do the exercises to understand the feelings and to give yourself a sort of visual or more integrated kinesthetic knowing of your body. This can be especially helpful when learning milking.
The Pelvic Tilt:
When first learning this one, I have found that the easiest way to feel the sensation is to lie down on your back with knees bent, feet flat on the ground. Take your fingers and fe
el the area right above cheeks of your butt. Most people have a bit of an indentation on either side of the top of a triangle bone called the sacrum. The bone then continues down into a point about five to six inches or so. This is where you focus.
Usually when lying down in this position, there is a natural curve to the back, with this triangle,or sacrum, slightly arched, leaving a space right above it between your back and the floor. To get the motion down, tighten your thighs a bit and flatten only that sacrum part of your lower butt/back to the floor. Don’t round your whole back, just that part moves. Now press it under a bit more, arching the pubic bone up and tilting it at an angle. Then release and arch it the other way slightly exaggerating the space between the back and the floor. Again…this does not involve the whole back, just that sacrum area.
Try it a few times, then when you feel comfortable, do it rhythmically to a very slow beat, arching first one way then the other. Once feel you have the sensation of what it is supposed to feel like with the added pressure of the floor, you can then sit a zafu (or other pillow) on the floor or on a chair with no arms. Sit up straight on the edge of the chair, spread your legs and begin the motion in that position. Again..all movement is just in that lower part of the body- only movement below the waist should be going on. You can imagine that your pelvis is on a fulcrum moving back and forth while the rest of the body sits still.
Once you have this down, you can practice it in a variety of positions, always focusing on isolating that very lowest part of your body. Eventually you will feel so at ease with this, the Breath and the PC Pump exercises that you will be able to combine them for enhanced meditation practice, increasing orgasmic energy flow throughout the body, controlling sexual orgasmic release and grounding.”
What is Authentic Sexuality?
Jan 1st
A valuable article from Deva Charu. Much of what she says is what I’ve found to be true in so many ways:
As the things that used to titillate me and turn me on dissolve, I find myself asking what is it to be ‘turned on’ when it does not come from my brain?
It seems to me that most of the things that are sexually exciting to us as human beings fall under one of the following categories:
1. forbidden in some way eg. making love in public
2. inaccessible, unrequited eg. lusting after someones spouse
3. ‘bad’, unethical, just plain ‘wrong’ eg. sleeping with someones spouse, a teacher, co-worker
4. shameful eg. longing for some sordid sexual act
5. punish-able eg. (see ‘bad’, unethical)
6. somehow involving control eg. a feeling ‘if I am sexy enough to win this persons attention, I have ‘won’ control over them
For some(most) of us, we have been raised so isolated from sex and sexuality that we are turned on by anything sexual because to us it somehow falls into one of these categories.
And yet, when we find ourselves in loving, committed relationships, these elements are generally not a part of it, or if they are, the novelty wears off after a while and we are left with a person we love, who loves us and…??? How in the world do you get turned on within such freedom and love?
I always had a feeling that most of the time when I felt ‘titillated’ it came from my brain…being a meditator I imagined that as I let go of listening to what my mind was telling me, and little by little found my way back to the wisdom of my body, that all of these turn-ons would go away and I would begin to discover what is ‘authentic sexuality’.
I believe that I have had moments of this. The first of which occurred for me in India at the Osho commune. Each evening we would do a 3 hour meditation which involved dancing, listening to a lecture, speaking gibberish (making sounds), and resting silently…whenever I would participate in this meditation I would feel my heart open, and with it, my vagina. I would often leave the meditation hall feeling a slippery wetness dripping down my legs…I felt very alive, and none of it came from stimulating my brain or what I had come to believe was sexy. It was simply a bodily response.
I have also felt this several times within my relationship, moments when I have felt so loved, and allowed myself to receive that love…as my heart would open, my vagina would open in a completely genuine, alive delicious way.
…and, of course, one of the main things that drew me to Tantra, and that keeps me consistently dedicated to this practice is that in Tantra I have often felt the sweet, authentic, connected opening that I so long for.
Several times in my life, including right now, I have felt a wall come up, or a switch has been flipped ‘off’. The things that once turned me on no longer do and I feel strange and slightly less than human.
Although I regularly practice opening my heart and my body, it seems that the door to my authentic sexuality does not yet know how to stay open consistently and I find myself in an uncomfortable numbness. Or perhaps it is that as I am opening more and more and journeying deeper into unknown territory inside of me, I am gradually uncovering walled-off areas that I had been able to avoid when I was more disconnected. Perhaps there was a more comfortable layer of behavior that has been burned away by the meditation and I am sitting with parts of myself that I had been safely avoiding.
My intuition says that something beautiful is happening for me, that I am meeting a new side of myself and as I allow myself to feel what is happening in my body, I will begin to discover a new level of authenticity…perhaps make new ground-breaking discoveries about what is available between man and woman. Perhaps touch the depths of myself on a new level and learn to experience even more of life, even more of lovemaking, even more intimacy.
In the meantime, I am having trouble letting go and allowing. I feel confused, frustrated and wrong for experiencing this. I feel a responsibility to satisfy my partner, I feel a pressure from within to ‘hurry up and get through this’ so that I can again feel alive the way that I once did.
I am afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what comes after this point.
The point beyond excitement into a discovery of essential arousal.
in love,
Charu
Connecting exercise
Jan 1st
This is one of my favorite tantra techniques as it is simple, effortless, and can be done before you get out of bed in the morning or before you go to sleep at night. And it may become habit forming!
Find a quiet, comfortable space with no interruptions. Put on your sarongs, if you like, and lie on your sides facing, toes touching, with top arms resting lightly on each other’s body. Use gentle taps to move from step to step.
1. Allow your bodies to surrender into relaxation with your eyes closed, 5 minutes.
2. Now gaze softly into each other’s left eye as you notice the sparkle, depth, and divinity. Relax your vision and blink as needed. Allow a gentle merging and melting. Maintain for 5 minutes.
3. Breathe slowly, deeply, and synchronized as you continue to gaze for 5 minutes.
4. Take turns speaking softly as you briefly share what you see in each other. It may be a soft heart and strong masculine energy, or a beautiful being who is blossoming into motherhood.
5. Enjoy a sweet, slow tantric kiss, barely touching lips, as you focus on the soft skin sensations.
Thank your partner for sharing this sacred time and separate slowly allowing your bodies a gradual disconnect. As you resume your day, maintain silence for as long as is comfortable.
Source:
Romance – the new alcohol
Dec 13th
Many of us are looking to improve our relationships or to find some ideal of the right partner. The media and any movie that you watch, completely supports the illusion. Everyone around you seems to do so as well. It’s only when we start looking a little deeper and questioning the conventional norms of society, that we may step away and start looking for ways to find the truth we somehow miss when we’re running around hoping for someone else to make us feel better. I have done this many times myself and I keep having to come back to the recognition that life is lived from within and Love lies ready and waiting in my own heart. Any outside loving that goes on is just an overflow of what has been found within.
Romance is perhaps the most common cover-up for the sense of fragmentation. If we are lonely, it must make sense that we need a special someone! Logical and cold, like a business transaction. A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, someone, anyone! We have reduced them to a mere cover up for our sorrows – no different from the misuse of alcohol, the noise of our television, or killing time on the phone until we can next be with someone – as if we have so much time to kill!
Sex is the closest we can get to oneness on a physical level, and that is why it is so deeply satisfying. And when we peer deeper into our heart, fragmentation shows up as a need to attach, to cling, to melt and to merge. How many people are conscious of this lack? How common is this primordial sense of alienation? Common enough to show up on a standardised psychological test.
And so we look for someone to take away that feeling. When we are with someone, we can take our mind off that background sense of disharmony. Suddenly, our existence seems to have meaning. “I am not alone!” You exclaim, as you cuddle, hug, and kiss. “I have someone who needs me, who wants me! I am beautiful, I am wanted, I am worthy! I am no longer alone!”
And yet, a mere cover-up is all they will ever be. Even when we are with our loved ones, we are still just as we are – alone.
A few weeks ago, I was watching a documentary on the “host” sub-culture, in the nightclub districts of an affluent country. It revolved around handsome young men – dressed up gaudily, highly trained in seduction, paid to lounge around in special bars. They play host to multitudes of women – often young, pretty, and rich – who pay for their company, their caresses, and their idle flattery.
The film focused in particular on the finest host in town – a charming man who owned his own bar. He was living the dream. His prowess with women made other men pale in comparison. He stole women away from their husbands and boyfriends. Women fought over him, sometimes physically, sometimes by throwing money at him, and he goes home with a different one every night. It seemed he would be the last man on Earth to feel alienated.
Near the end of the documentary, I remember the interviewer asking him if it was all worth it. He hangs his head and sighs. “It was all fun for the first few years. But after a while…I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore. I am the loneliest man in the world.”
Well worth reading the full article in context: SOURCE
Subtle Body
Nov 3rd
As I move through life, deepening my understanding of tantra and the ways in which sexuality and spirituality merge in an incredibly beautiful and perfectly fitting match, I’m continuously amazed to discover how the theory lives up to itself in practice.
I often meet with people who have little or no experience of the concept of energy and who are fairly skeptical of it. Most of my family and some friends sadly distance themselves from me because of the worlds I move in and am exploring. I understand their fears and prejudices and use my encounter with their aversions to continue to embrace new realms of releasing judgment within myself. I’m so grateful though, that life has brought me access into these untapped realms of life experience.
We grow up in a society where the literal and the scientific is exalted above the mystical. Anything vaguely mystical is usually filtered through the narrow margins of a popular christian view. Anything vaguely eastern is considered highly suspect and certainly likely to be “dangerous” or “weird.” Sadly, what is lost is the opportunity to experience a realm of beauty, subtlety, and delight that is actually perfectly normal and generally felt and enjoyed at some point in life, but just not recognized for what it is.
In this I’m referring to the sensations of shivers and tremors that we experience either when we touch or are touched very gently and tenderly with great presence and awareness of the moment, or when we catch someone’s eye in a way that is direct and open – with few barriers or veils. I think everybody can identify some time of experiencing such encounters. Whether they were sexual or not is irrelevant – although generally they would be seen to be romantic/sensual/deeply moving in a manner of “attraction.”
Many of us are slightly uncomfortable with such forms of intimacy. Others crave but also fear such encounters, perhaps because of how deeply we feel them. I think there is a high degree of longing for this form of “supernatural” encounter that is substituted by other activities such is high energy sports and social events in an unconscious hope to capture some measure of the thrill we feel in those rare times of intimate human exchange that are stripped of pretense and guardedness. It’s a real pity that we have gone so far away from our natural, innocent willingness to feel into one other’s subtle emotional/energetic spaces that we seldom get to the real thing, and instead spend a lot of time, money and energy on the replacement forms of it.
I trust you’re following what I’m saying. If I’m being too vague, please comment and I’ll try to clarify.
The following is a beautiful article I’m borrowing from a Facebook friend by the name of Kathy Kali. It speaks of the route to enjoying the subtle body sensations that I’ve been alluding to above:
Open your hand and let it rest. Your hands are used to “doing” something. Let your hand just do nothing for a moment. Feel the pulse of life in your palm, in your fingers. Letting go of your notions of what a hand is, feel the subtle energies in this part of your body. Notice the energy as vibration…as color…as sound. Let the energies circulate and expand, until you are no longer in your hand. You are in your hand’s subtle body.
What is the subtle body? The deep and subtle and quiet and slow aspects of our being are our deep feminine essence. Activating this subtle body, with receptivity, allows us to channel pleasurable energies more deeply. It is our transmitter. The more we “tune in” to the subtle places within ourselves, the more nourishment we can receive, and the more energy we can channel.
I’ve personally experienced the subtle body as a sweet tingling, a softness, a cloud of energy, and a sense of great space, within my body. In addition, when I feel a lot of pleasure or inner fire come through the Tantric Dance, it often feels as if the pleasure is moving up a central tube, or channel, in my core. Your subtle body may feel different to you. Allow yourself to explore and let your subtlety come through in its own way.
To cultivate awareness of your subtle body, I offer the following simple exercise:
1. Get comfortable and ground.
Lie, sit, stand, whatever your body feels called to right now. Feel your connection to the earth, and relax.2. Belly breath.
Breathe into the belly, and release. Continue. This connects you with your life force, and deepens your grounding.3. Notice the breath.
Feel the breath filling your belly and torso, and releasing. Notice any other places the breath wants to travel: your limbs, your back, your neck, your head…4. Core vibration.
Feel the breath and the energy emanating from it, as vibration. Absorb this vibration, drink it in, and take into the depth of your being. Notice any sensations, sounds, sights, smells…5. Do nothing.
Keep breathing, but do nothing else. You are in your subtle body.
On the benefits of balanced sexuality
Sep 26th
In the East there is a tradition of, energy rising. Kundalini.
There are several descriptions/theories of the phenomenon. Here is one:
Some say there are three centres, some say five, some say seven, some say
eleven. And so on. Seven is the most ‘popular.’
Imagine turbines/fans/wheels at each of the designated centres in the body.
Energy is ‘stored’ at the base of the spine and as each centre is
‘liberated’ that turbine revolves freely, and the energy moves uninhibited
to the next centre.
The first centre encountered is the sex centre.
If we do not clear that centre the energy never fully goes beyond that point
- through to the survival; enquiry; love; expression; realising that all is
one; becoming ‘part’ of the one; becoming the one.
The latter centre is said by some to be above the head.
So if the first centre is not taken care of the full force of the energy
does not rise to and through the other centres. Which means, if sex is not
balanced, the full experience of love is not attained.
To Thrust or Not to Thrust…
Sep 24th
In lovemaking, more thrusting does not necessarily mean more pleasure. With stillness, a man’s penis will begin to direct him how to make love, when to move, when to be still. For both partners, motionlessness has the psychological effect of quieting the mind, and it can also be used to moderate your arousal. During intense lovemaking, stop the thrusting, hold your body still and enjoy the sensations that had been camouflaged by the intensity of the thrusting.
(Note: I’m finding that life can be kinda like this too – in many areas.)
Living as love
Sep 21st
Enlightened Sex is a term that means something similar to the meditative sex that I teach about in my sessions. David Deida addresses the subject beautifully in his book – Enlightened Sex. He says that:
The primary purpose of enlightened sex is not to fix anything or anyone. Nor is it to become absorbed in sensual pleasure, fleeting thoughts, or heavy emotions. The primary purpose of enlightened sex is to live as love by recognizing and relaxing into the open, unlimited, aware depth of being that you are, whether you feel good or bad in the present moment.
When you feel through all sensation, you feel into the open source of sensation. When you feel through all thoughts, you feel into the open space in which thoughts occur. When you feel through your sexual desire or aversion, you feel into the love that is living as you.
This open, spacious, loving nature is your true nature. The way of the superior lover is about practicing being who you truly are. It is not about changing yourself. It is about recognizing who you are, deeply and really—who you already are, who you have always been, and who you will always be. It is about becoming stable in this recognition, so that all of your actions—throughout the day and even during your dreams at night—radiate spontaneously from this relaxed and natural openness of being, rather than from your stressful needs and fears.
A great aid in stabilizing this recognition is opening the energy channels of your body, which can be done very effectively through the sexual practices we are describing. This healing process is not absolutely necessary, but most people do need to heal some internal obstructions in order to persist with adequate energy and attention in their practice of recognition.
In other words, if you are frequently distracted by the pleasures or pains of sex, then you won’t have the energy or attention to persist in recognizing who you are. Sexual wounds and desires are among the greatest sources of distraction, not just during sexual embrace but throughout the day. Much of our emotional suffering is rooted in our sexual hopes and fears.
If you don’t clear these knots, they can absorb your energy and nag at your attention, day and night. Rather than practicing meditation, you will fantasize about Mr. Right or your coworker’s shapely ass. Rather than practicing love, you will cram your mouth with food and slather your taste buds with drink because your partner left you for another lover. Even the most advanced spiritual practitioners are often plagued by their unfinished sexual business and emotional kinks.
Therefore, the first step for most people is to clarify their sexual desires and unkink the flow of energy trapped in their emotional wounds. But once that is done, and even while it is being done, the main point of practice is to free consciousness and live as love.
David Deida
SOURCED HERE (from a dear friend)
Tantric Waves
Sep 17th
I’m copying a discussion from a Facebook group that I belong to as I think it beautifully describes some aspects of the tantric treasures that are available but seldom spoken of:
Q: Many people ask about the waves. We all experience them differently. In fact, to my experience, they are never the same. :) Please share your experience and questions!
Post #2
Tracy wrote on February 28, 2009 at 4:11am
The waves are always present. In meditation we become aware of them, and what affects them, as our thoughts ride by on them. In practicing Tantra, we learn how to ride the waves, how the wind affects them, how thoughts affect them, etc. With practice, most find that movement, breath, and sound all have a major impact on moving energy. My partner and Tantra instructor, Harold Kornylak, takes those basic principals a step further by pointing out the impact that intention can have on that as well. Meditation is absolutely essential for keeping in tune with and open to your energetic system. Meditation is the place to start, if your desire is to experience the waves.
Post #3
Harold (Virginia Beach / Norfolk, VA) wrote on February 28, 2009 at 4:16am
Responding to the “wall” question:
“Has anyone really experienced and was capable of managing ‘waves’ leading to the most powerful orgasm?”
Very definitely! It is a totally natural process, so not difficult to do at all, just need help overcoming the programming we have that makes us resist the process. I find it VERY easy to teach pretty much anyone who wants to learn it! And folks who have been sexually active their whole life say they had never dreamed that an orgasm could be so powerful, but then it becomes their new standard.
“Has anyone really experienced and was capable of managing ‘waves’ leading to the most powerful orgasm?”
Very definitely! It is a totally natural process, so not difficult to do at all, just need help overcoming the programming we have that makes us resist the process. I find it VERY easy to teach pretty much anyone who wants to learn it! And folks who have been sexually active their whole life say they had never dreamed that an orgasm could be so powerful, but then it becomes their new standard.
Post #4
Grigoris (HS Holland Den Haag) wrote on March 24, 2009 at 2:19am
I have rode those tantric waves (by accident) a couple of times in the past. It was a spiraling experience that I never felt before! The energy kept circling and spiraling, rising higher, until the point of orgasm where we both had orgasm and indeed it was so powerful! Both my partner’s body and mine strocked like we’ve been hit by a thunder. And that lasted for about 5-7 seconds. We felt electricity, it was something I couldn’t imagine that was possible to achieve, but it happened! She then hugged me, I hugged her and we remained like that for many minutes, maybe trying to reach the emotion we had just experienced.
So what is Intimacy really?
Aug 19th
Tantric Exercise
To Increase Intimacy
The how-to’s of intimacy have escaped some people. But I have good news for those who scratch their heads when the word intimacy comes up– and for their partners, too, who may have given up trying to get some!
Below is an explanation of intimacy, and a simple way to create intimacy.
What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy is emotional closeness. It doesn’t necessarily mean having loving feelings. It does mean the ability to be with someone with an open and undefended heart.
This exercise will help you to create intimacy, even without words.
When To Use This Exercise
1. When you are angry or arguing
This is a wonderful exercise to do if one of you is out-of-sorts, or if you’ve had a fight that talking can’t seem to fix. Your energy field is all spikey and turbulent and so are your emotions. Words can’t calm things down.
However, if both people are willing, you can still generate closeness by going beyond words. In the following exercise you use breathing and attention (concentration) to calm your energy field. You have an energy body just as you have a physical body. The energy body interpenetrates the physical body and vice-versa. Think of the invisible magnetic field that surrounds a magnet. Your energy body creates a ‘field’ of energy around you.
After doing it you may find you are not so attached to your negative emotions anymore or feel more willing to work things out, or at least not make the other person wrong.
This non-verbal approach creates intimacy quickly. After 20 minutes of this exercise, your energy fields will begin to vibrate in harmony with one another.
2. This is also great to do if you’ve been apart for a while.
Doing this together brings your energy fields into harmony again.
3. Anytime, just to stay close and connected.
Even if you and your partner are getting along well, it’s powerful to do this together at the start of every day, in bed as you’re still waking up. (O.K, so maybe you won’t do it every day. But at least do it on Saturday mornings!)
4. This technique is also something you can do before you make love, to generate closeness.
Generating Intimacy Exercise:
1) Lie down with your partner in ‘spoon’ position (one person lies on their side, the other person lies on their same side, with their back snuggled into the other’s chest. like two spoons together in the kitchen drawer!). Person in the back, place the palm of one hand over your partner’s heart.
2) Pay close attention to your partner’s breath, and then match your own breath exactly to it. Breathe in unison with your partner, making sure you make an audible sound as you exhale. Your partner has to hear you exhaling in rhythm with her/him. So check that you can be heard, and breathe louder if necessary. The effects are much stronger if your partner can hear you matching her/his breath.
3) Do this for 10-20 minutes.
4) Switch positions with your partner if you wish, and snuggle them into your chest.
Good luck with this exercise! I hope you get many years of use and enjoyment out of it. Now go practice ! Rock and roll!
Touching the Heart of Freedom
Jul 17th
Playing and exploring with sexual energy as a form of meditation is a delicious and liberating journey into the Unknown. I love how this extract illuminates the idea:
“If we take our open hand and slowly close it tightly, an effort is required both to clench the hand and to maintain it in that contracted gesture.
If we maintain the hand in this contracted gesture for some time, the muscles will become accustomed to this new position, and we will soon cease to be aware that a subtle effort is continually being applied in order to maintain it.
If someone were now to ask us to open our hand, we would feel that the opening of the hand required some effort. At some stage, as we open our hand, we will become aware of the fact that we are not applying a new effort in order to open the hand, but rather that we are relaxing a previous effort, of which we were no longer even aware.
The apparent effort to open the hand turns out to be the relaxation of the original effort to contract the hand. What appeared to be the initiation of an effort turns out to be the cessation of an effort.
Meditation works in a similar way. Our true nature is open, unlimited, free, conscious, self-luminous and self-evident. This is our moment by moment experience, although we may not be aware of it. ” RUPERT SPIRA
Realignment of masculine / feminine energy
Apr 9th
My growing understanding of what it means to be sensitive to magnetic polarity in the body and to the exchange of energy between these polarities is bringing a greater enjoyment of this flow – both to my own life and in my sessions with clients. Although it may sound like a mad idea to some, or at least an unlikely concept – the reality is that if you give it a try and you play around with it or simply step into it, it surprises you with how easy it is to feel.
I include this excellent article which explains the idea and I’m grateful to Martina from Tantric Blossoming:
As men and women reconnect with their true selves, the masculine and feminine energy realigns in the body through the polarities. When realigned, women feel more receptive and magnetic in their being, creating space for surrender and opening to men in a more natural way and men experience an increase in their masculine potency and come to trust their ability to initiate energy and bring clarity to a woman.
Conventional sexual practices overlook the importance of the polarity between men and women. This creates a situation where many women have tension in their vagina, unable to fully receive a man’s energy from his penis and the man is often disconnected or overwhelmed by the energy in his penis unable to fully utilise the energy there to open a woman. Also the importance of the heart in completing the cycle of sexual energy is largely overlooked.
A woman’s positive pole is her heart and her negative pole is the vagina, for a man his positive pole is his penis and his negative pole is his heart. When a man and woman connect energetically, the man initiates the woman with the energy from his positive pole, the penis and this energy is received by her negative, or receptive pole, the vagina. This energy flows through the woman’s body towards her heart, which is her positive polarity, so that when a woman is connected to her heart and breasts, she is then able to penetrate the man’s heart, his negative polarity, with her heart energy.
Engaging in sexual activity where you connect energetically through the natural polarities leaves you and your lover feeling nourished, nurtured and fulfilled which creates a sense of peace, joy and gratitude that permeates the daily routine of your life.
A taste of Nityama
Mar 14th
I have learned so much from the way Nityama works with women. Enjoy!
And Nityama reminds me so much of Mooji:
Jean-Pierre Hartman
Massage.co.za
Eckhart Tolle
Jeff Foster