One of the more common reasons that male clients come to see me, has  to do with “premature ejaculation.” Surprisingly, many men feel that they are the exception in this, rather than the norm. There is also a fair amount of uncertainty on when one should tag on the label -  as in how premature is premature?

Looking at the word premature, it implies being not yet mature – or ripe. In that sense, it would be premature to end something that you want to continue enjoying. Unfortunately for most couples, orgasmic release generally ends things. This sense  of  “losing control” can be frustrating and disappointing – not at all what one wants to add into the mix of concerns we already have to deal with. So why is this chase and avoidance causing so much distress?

When it comes to sex, most people expect things to ultimately climax in “an orgasm.” I remember a few years ago how hard I used to have to work to arrive at this desired outcome. And to tell you a secret, it wasn’t just my orgasm that seemed hard to come by – so to speak. One of the the things that spurred me into exploring sexuality with such intensity, was my frustration at the way sex seemed so not what I felt in my gut that it could be. In fact I left my marriage at a cost to all I believed and trusted, because I reached a point where I knew that the sex was just never going to change and I couldn’t face living with it the way it was.

A lot of what I love about meditative sex is that orgasmic release is no longer the peak moment. In fact chasing orgasm or it’s opposite – trying to delay or avoid one – can become such a focal point that “the moment” is lost. When you drop the desire for building tension in order to explode that tension out again, you step into the bliss of being. You find that you’re now free to enjoy fully and intensely within a space of deep relaxation.