There is this idea about Tantric Sex that it’s a mystical, magical, ethereal route to incredible sexual excitement and everlasting orgasm. In my experience, that’s not quite how it goes. There also isn’t some secret club that you can join that will tell you which buttons to press to have these mega-fantastic body sensations and explosive/expansive orgasms on demand. I once read somewhere (and I don’t remember where it was) that at the end of the day you can have the most incredible orgasm you can imagine, and still you get out of bed and go on with your day. That’s kind of how it is with sex. It happens – and then it’s over :)

Even after great sex, life still requires doing what needs to be done. Life still presents us with challenges and stresses, even when we’re having fabulous sex. Great sex or mega-orgasms may feel wonderful while they happen – but what difference do they really make once they’re over?

Being orgasmic is similar to being utterly, utterly happy and elated and ecstatic and delighted. During an orgasm we get a brief taste of this – we feel sensations and emotions that exhilarate us. In those brief moments of energetic release during a conventional orgasm, the rush of sensation and emotion is high. For most people though, the route to that requires hard work, physical effort and concentration. For some, this can even seem elusive and unmanageable.

There is a way of loving that can take us out of effort, strain, denial, pretense, shame or guilt. We can move through and past those and have a better chance of finding the “right” buttons, but it usually takes pressing the “wrong” buttons first.

I love the way Deva Charu expresses this:

“See, and here is the thing…people always want to know how to have more or better orgasms…and this is how it happens. It does not happen by fiddling or pressing or licking. It happens when we are brave enough to get in bed with our monsters, courageous enough to look them in the eyes and through this process we make way for more and more pleasure and love to flow through our bodies. I am orgasmic the moment I feel my Beloved’s penis inside of me. I did not learn how to do this from a book, or an overnight fix, or a magical pill or vibrator. I experience pleasure because of the continuing relationship I have with the sensations in my body and my warrior-like quest to face my fears and all that holds me back.”