1. Tell your story in sacred space.

Telling your story is a powerful way of coming out of sexual isolation, owning and integrating your experience. Sometimes, it can even be a lifesaver.

Words carry power, and naming your truth in the presence of compassionate, attentive witnesses is tremendously empowering. However, this deeply intimate process should always be contained in a sanctuary space of sorts, which might be a therapist’s office or a trusted friend’s living room. I do not recommend telling your story outside of sacred space, which I define as an environment where your story will be received with attention, compassion and reverence, where you will not be judged or shamed, and where your request for confidentiality will be respected

2. Embrace pleasure as a friend.

Provided our pleasure does not harm ourselves or others, we should consider it healthy, healing, and holy. Sacred sexuality honors pleasure as a gift from God, and as nature’s way of letting us know what is good for us. Welcome pleasure into every moment of your life, and embrace it as a friend, guide, and teacher.

3. Find time and space to open to your sexuality by yourself.

Masturbation, or self-pleasuring, to use a more positive word, can be a voyage of self-discovery and an experience of truly making love to yourself.

It’s just one way, though-remember that there are a million ways to “turn on” to yourself. Get naked, wrap a shawl around your hips, and do an erotic dance. Go out on a warm summer night and lie on the damp grass, letting your body commune with the earth’. A good lover is a priceless gift, but please don’t buy into the belief that without a lover, you can’t be sexual!

4. Learn to express your sexual desires and needs.

Good sex requires honest communication. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Unfortunately, fear and shame cause many otherwise articulate men and women to become mute in bed.

5. Take responsibility for the partners you attract.

The foundation of sacred sexuality is love, and love begins with self love. If you have a history of choosing inappropriate partners, you can safely assume that in some way, you still feel unworthy or undeserving of the love you want. Learn as much as possible about where and why you go astray. Watch out for patterns of “making do,” condoning abuse, or settling for relationships that are ultimately destructive and undermining. Sacred sex involves not only physical nakedness but also emotional and spiritual nakedness. Take a good hard look at who you are getting naked with.

6. Slow down and relax.

We all know that stress is the number one killer in our society. Besides felling thousands of people every year, it also cripples our sexuality. Slowing down-way down-is essential to sacred sexuality.

7. Relax while aroused.

As we get aroused, we tend to tense up. Practice doing the opposite. Instead of tensing, relax and allow pleasure to spread throughout your body. This runs against our grain because we generally want to reach orgasm as quickly as possible. To do so, we tense, thereby concentrating our excitement in the genital area. Often, we unconsciously hold our breath at the same time. Try breathing deeply and allowing yourself to relax into increasing levels of sexual arousal, without rushing toward orgasm. If and when orgasm occurs, it will release a healing flood of pleasure throughout your entire body

8. Be brave.

Understand that even with the best partner, sacred sex is bound to be somewhat scary. Why? Because as in any encounter with the divine, you will have to let go of control and surrender to a power greater than your own. Sacred sex is loving sex, and love is not for cowards; it takes courage to plunge into that purifying blaze.

9. Open to God as your lover.

Meditate on a divine Being who blesses your sexuality and desires you with as much passion as you desire Him or Her. By accepting God as our lover, we invite sacredness into our sexual experience.

10. Take the next step.

Ask yourself, “What is the next step in my sexual life?” Taking the next step can mean telling your lover about your sexual fantasies, writing erotica, or choosing to be celibate. For one woman, taking the next step meant visiting a local sex shop. “I was scared,” she remembers. “Decent people just didn’t do that kind of thing. Then I thought, ‘Okay. It’s time for you to admit to the world that you are interested in sex.’” What’s the next step for you?

This article was found here: Jalaja Bonheim